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Category Archives: The Big C

Fall TV Season

18 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by Joanne in amy brenneman, camp, dexter, Go On, Kate Walsh, Laura Linney, private practice, Rachel Griffiths, The Big C, the killing, tv series

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I am so ready for the fall season to start. I hope I will be able to mourn Dexter but still get excited about other shows. I have made my peace with The Big C ending and Cathy dying. I still haven’t seen the finale of Private Practice, I’m still too fragile to say goodbye. I am waiting for some special occasion, but yesterday was my 20th birthday and the finale was right there on my dvr and I chose to watch earlier episodes of the season instead. I’m starting to think I’ll never be ready. I just think It needs to be a special day, and I simply haven’t had one since January. I miss Addie and Violet and seeing Kate and Amy on my screen. I hate that so many of my shows are ending, like I haven’t had enough changes. I have said goodbye to The Big C, I still haven’t recovered from The Killing cancelletion. I truly don’t feel like starting a new show. There are too many changes and disappointments in my life right now. Private Practice, The Big C ended. Dexter ends in 2 days. Go On, not the best, but my favorite new show of the fall 2012 got cancelled. The Killing, a great show that I have started watching less than 2 months ago got cancelled. Camp, a cute and fun summer show won’t probably make it and a half of the shows I watch don’t come back till January. I was desperate to find a new show to fill this empty space and started watching shows I promised I never would and there are only two shows still on air that I love unconditionally and never fail to surprise me. And I hate that. I hate changes, feeling like I’ve failed at life and have no purpose and most of all, I hate being an adult.

The Big C

07 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by Joanne in Laura Linney, The Big C, tv series

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There are so many things I should be doing now, but I’ve just watched the second episode of the final season of The Big C and I cannot stop crying. I am not ready to see her go. I knew she would die at the end of the show from the very beginning, but It’s just so painful and heartbreaking to watch her die. My relationship with death and living has never been normal, which is why, for the first time, I am surprised to find myself to feel so deeply for someone and not want them to die and go through that pain. I don’t know, maybe I’m finally starting to get better. But even though she’s a fictional character, I wish I could take that pain away from her. I am okay with suffering myself, but watching Cathy Jamison suffer is beyond painful. Many of the characters I loved died, in films and TV. First death that comes to my mind is George’s death on Grey’s, I am still not okay with it, but we did not see him suffer, what aches me there, is that he was this George, who always got left behind, no one wanted him, and girls treated him like their sister, and he was just a little boy thrown into an adult world. I don’t think any other TV death has ever really affected me besides George’s, and now Cathy’s. Here, I think it’s because I’ve always loved Cathy, I identified myself with her on so many occasions. I quoted ninety percent of what she was saying, because she said the stuff I was thinking, and the thoughts that I had. Two more episodes, I may not survive them.

Now, something because of my obsessive personality, I have always struggled to choose between The Big C and Dexter. Last year it was easier, because I couldn’t stand Paul and Adam and partially Sean’s behaviour, so the choice was easy, as it is always extremely easy for me to identify with Dexter, but now? A year ago, I’ve made a list of my all time favorite shows, The Big C made a 7th spot and Dexter made an 8th, but I am really starting to reconsider moving Friends a spot lower, to give The Big C the sixth place. Will think about that. Oh the crazy things that occupy my mentally challenged mind. Somehow this last paragraph made me feel better…

”I think my antidepressants just kicked in.’

Oh, Cathy, you and I, we’re the same.

The Big C Season 3

14 Friday Sep 2012

Posted by Joanne in Laura Linney, The Big C, tv series

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There is no show that is more perfect than The Big C, both writing and acting are marvellous. Seasons one and two were absolute masterpieces, but season three started off at the same high level, but then got a little disappointing. I feel like instead of getting to know Cathy better, we dealt with Paul/Joy, baby and Sean crap all the time.Shame, the show’s absolutely genius. I love how at the end Cathy’s left all alone. I was very hard to stand Paul and Adam this season.

  1. 1
    I would marry Helena Bonham Carter and kill Lady Gaga.
    The only problem with your London pub, is that there is not enough Londoners in it.
    Well, no one would leave winters out there and Minneapolis where it’s even colder.
    Excellent point, prime minister.
    It’s not actually as late as you think. That clock is on bar time.
    What’s bar time?
    Bar clocks are set 15 minutes fast to make sure we don’t serve anyone after curfew.
    You mean everyone who leaves here gets more time? This is a magical, magical place.
    Are we gonna see you tomorrow, Alexis?
    Most likely.
    I feel the need to write it all down while it’s still fresh.
    Safe? Ha, I had a heart attack at the Christmas party, what’s safe?
    If Paul has another heart attack or if my clinical try stops working, we want you to be Adam’s guardian.
    I think I’m flattered, but too cold to feel my feelings.
    You have so much to offer him.
    Streets smarts and above average sense of morality.
    Your insurance bills alone give your husband a heart attack.
    It turns out, if you’re gonna have a heart attack, having one at insurance company holiday party is a great idea. They’re being very generous with us.
    Clearly my meds are talking, they make me sound so bourgeois.
    But I don’t want to be a principal.
    You hear that ?
    Yeah, key fob is my friend.
    No, keep it with you at all times. Did you guys get that? So you might wanna ask Paul regularly if he has his key fob with him.
    Yeah, that won’t be annoying for anybody.
    To test press question mark. If yes, press bolt.
    It’s like a horse kick to fucking chest. If possible lay down before you shock yourself, distract yourself, think about sports kittens, whatever.
    Wow, another reason I’m glad I’m not you, Paul.
    We just asked Sean to be your guardian buddy in case something happens to me and dad.
    Okay but I’m not living in the woods with you.
    We don’t have to if you don’t want to.
    It is more than I though, I need about 15 bucks.
    Got it!
    Don’t take that personally, white man destroys everybody.
    I was in Ghana, and I was so sad and mopy, but there were these amazing African woman who smelled really bad and didn’t have clean water and some of them even had Aids, but they were dancing and singing around the fire and they were just so strong and joyous. And I just thought if they can do it, I can do it. I can be that strong.
    While you were gone, dad had a heart attack and died for a little while.
    Way to drop my vacation story, Mr J.
    Who’s that?
    Jesus, you ever heard of him?
    Yeah, but I’ve never heard of a black Jesus.
    Do you see what I’m dealing with?
    Are you eating chips for breakfast?
    I’m having a salty stress craving.
    No, No! I can’t intentionally hurt you!
    Give me the damn chips, Paul.
    This is not funny! We are sick people, Paul! We are two sick people living in a cold sick place. But everyday we stay alive is a day that Adam has two parents.
    I thought you out of all people would know that that white light is waiting for us whether we eat chips or not. We’re all gonna die, honey.
    I became a flight attendant because I thought it would be glamorous to travel around but now I want some control over where I’m going.
    Whatever the hell the left wing is.
    You’re past is always a part of you Ababu, just like you’re African roots.
    You’re smiling, you never smile. Ha, I knew it, I knew it, I’m a dead woman. The tumours are growing again, well it is what it is.
    I can’t smile because I’m happy?
    I don’t know, can you?
    Laura’s reaction!
    I think I said Holy fuck when I read your scans.
    So I have more time?
    Good news, good news, good news, I’m less cancery than I was before.
    That’s great.
    A lot less.
    Hell yeah, yeah!
    You write a lot.
    Guess what, Andrea, Ababu, I am a blogger.
    Good news!
    Aaaa! Oh, fuck me!
    For a big man you can really move.
    Get your wedding dress, Ababu, let’s go.
    We are moving on Ababu, we are moving on.
    Ababu and Sean dancing around the fire.
    Kathy almost drowning!
    We’re unkillable!
    What were you sweeping the ice?
    10/10
  2. 2
    You had a fucking affair?
    Where’d you hear that?
    I didn’t hear it anywhere. I read it on dad’s blog.
    With all the lectures and bullshit I’m done listening to you, you’re a fucking hypocrite.
    Check this out, my latest blog post had got 59 page views, that’s 30 more than the last one.
    Your son is one of them. He knows about my affair. He read about it on your blog!
    Holy shit, Adam saw the blog?
    It’s on the Internet, Paul. Everyone can see it.
    Why didn’t you just skip all of it?
    I’m telling my story, Cath. I mean, It’s incredibly cathorgic for me and people seem to like reading about it. You know how I saw the light and the detail of my near death experience and I can’t really do that without explaining what came before. Like your cancer and your Lenny.
    So I caused your heart attack.
    No, life did and you’re the part of my life.
    This ain’t no hobby, this is my culture, bitch.
    Today I’m getting a job and a phone, tomorrow I’m on the Internet, before you know it, I’m e-filling my taxes and tweeting pictures of my taint to villagers in Assganistan.
    You were in prison. My mother warned me about guys like you.
    Rela, I just robbed the liquor store.
    Oh see, that almost makes you sound soft. You know you can get those things removed now.
    Why would I want to do that? I’m proud of them, It’s my story.
    If you can read this the bitch fell off.
    Those little lipstick kisses you live on the mirror in there are pain in my minimum wage ass.
    Tell your story in detention Andrea.
    It’s Ababu, damn it.
    I wanna talk to you.
    You might wanna talk to a mirror first, you look like a freaking crazy woman.
    Look, I don’t give a shit what I look like. Look, I am tired of you shutting me out. I had an affair. It was last summer, it lasted a few weeks, it was with Lenny the painter.
    Ok, yeah, that’s great. Feel better?
    Maybe when I’m done, cause now that I have your attention, I’m gonna tell you everything, everything. I’ve done drugs, when I was seventeen I smoked pot for the very first time and when I was nineteen I was arrested for peeing in a public park, and I’ve shoplifted. There was this great pair of guest jeans, and I got so drunk at my college orientation that they had to pump my stomach and that was after, after my friends, they found me passed out in this guy’s bedroom, and I could not find my bra, and that prick he give me s and I was so stressed out from having the rush down there, that I missed my period, I totally though I was pregnant…
    Just fucking shut up.
    I’ve made mistakes, I’m gonna make more.
    All of you are gonna make a shitload of mistakes too.
    It’s not fucking funny. Fuck off, Ainhole.
    Mrs Jamison, Fuck off Ainhole.
    Oh hell no, look at you fools, do you think this is a joke? This is eactly where people epect you to be. Don’t be where people epect you to be. You can give me another detention, or whatever, but right now I gotta say some shit. Now, I posted signs, I’ve asked your assess nicely, I even got over the intercome and screamed it and got a detention for it, but I can’t get threw you. So guess what, we’re gonna have group meeting right now. Welcome to the black students association and I’ve changed the name of the group, it’s ‘Afro’ Africans for rediscovering overselves, do I gave your attention?
    This is not a meeting, this is detention. Sit down, Andrea.
    It’s Ababu.
    But what am I supposed to do?
    That’s why they pay you the big bucks, Connie, to take care of shit like this.
    This is not funny, Cathy. Do you realize you are the third person from your house in my office today? You are a teacher. Certain rules need to be followed, certain behavior is epected. And today’s behaviour was not it.
    You know, I’m not particulary proud of myself, but I’m an adult, so you can stop wagging your finger at me.
    Is that alcohol on your breath?
    Excuse me? You have to give me here a little more credit, Connie. For your information, what you’re smelling is medicine that I’m on for my clinical trial. Medicine. You have got to help me out here, Cathy. I think the school has been very good about giving you the time and space you need to deal with your illness. I only ask for a little proffessionalism in return.
    You want professionalism. He’s wearing a tie. Is that proffessional enough for you?
    I told him my story. I told him everything, I think It was the right think to do. The way I did it was… questionable.
    Honey, have you been drinking?
    I have. And I will probably be drinking more later. I’ll see you at home.
    Listen, don’t, I was just…
    Wasting a perfectly good cigarette?
    Life sucks.
    So what do you think Alexis, you like it?
    I love it.
    10/10
  3. Cathy writing, Shit happens and Fuck winter on walls.
    I thought I had lost the time, you know to be the kind of person who could go out and buy the colors and try them out, pick one and then actually paint the room. You know, it just seems so…
    Clinically fucking insane.
    No, something that healthy people do. But you see now, I have the time, I’m lousy with time. I mean I might just redo the whole house, by the time I get to the attic, I might figure out what to do with the rest of my life.
    Fucking Alec Baldwin, listen to his last tweet ‘Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, won’t you get my 1mln follower? Why the fuck does he do that. I have 7 followers, and I’m related to half of them.
    He is famous, Paul.
    Yes, but was he clinically dead for 3 minutes?
    So this is your bigger purpose in life? To get more twits then Alec Baldwin?
    Tweets, gonna finish my blog, does Alec Baldwin have a fucking blog?
    I have no idea.
    Mine’s better.
    I can’t keep painting the walls, Paul. I need direction, I wanna be a different me now. And look, she is a little woo woo but maybe we need a little woo woo.
    Did you just orgasm with my syrup?
    I’m running a gay phone sex businesses. Go ahead. Judge away, judgerella.
    Actually I’m too stunned to judge. I’m exceptionally good at it. I found my calling, Cath. Gay Phone sex worker.
    This crazy Joy thinks that dancing and juicing cured her cancer. Yet she has 23 000 followers.
    Rocks, this is a super crappy gift.
    How come I have more rocks than you do?
    Isn’t the real question, what are we doing paying good money to carry around the bag full of rocks.
    Holy molly.
    23 000 fucking followers.
    Juice is not food.
    Well, This explains one for two pricing.
    I breathed, I breathed for the first time, I breathed. And I realized that all of the fucking stress and all of the complaining I had given myself cancer. I mean, I had nobody else to blame, but myself.
    You may call these my fuck me shoes. But you know what I call them? I call them my fuck you shoes. Fuck cancer. I fucked cancer. And now I am fucking life. And I wake up every morning orgasmically happy. It’s ironic, isn’t it? That cancer would show me that I can take control of my life and that I can follow my dreams.
    Laughter bits the shit out of crying.
    Don’t apologise to me. You’re the one that’s letting yourself down. You’re the only one that’s gonna stop you from your joyful path.
    How do you know I have cancer?
    I read your husband’s blog.
    Really?!Your blog is inspirational. You’ve got a knock for story telling, you gotta use that.
    Thank you,
    You should now, I don’t think joy can kill my cancer.
    Then you should know that attitude is probably gonna kill you and this is for you, for giving up.
    Et fast.
    You don’t have to tell me twice.
    What the fuck, holy shit it’s a ring?
    He’s proposing.
    Ababu, you are the fire in my heart, the light in my loins, you make me wanna set my hair on fire with desire, you complete, you make me feel like dancing. You had me and hello, marry me, my African queen.
    Yes!
    Okay, let’s shake you booty, everybody dance, even you Cathy.
    All right, Cathy. What’s going on?
    What’s going on is I’m calling bullshit. The juice, the joy the stupid fucking bags, I’ve had it. I’m done.
    Cathy, good for you. You got it. You got it. She got it, people! That bag is your old baggage. Why were you carrying it, because I told you to? Because society made you. I mean, you were ready to carry Paul’s bag. You cannot move forward if your shit is still pulling you back. You’re not your past. You are limitless future. Good for you, good for you. Good for you, Cathy.
    I knew you would be the first to get it.
    Holy fuck, holy fuck!
    What?
    I have 2 000 followers. Joy just tweeted my address. Check out this guy he’s got a great message. Holy shit.
    7/10
  4. Why won’t you just come back and see us when you’re cancer free?
    What? Are you off your meds?
    All at once? That’s too many things up my ass. Too many, too many things up my ass.
    If he could maybe leave out the part about me still having cancer, that would be great.
    Cathy eating candy, and her’s We are worthy.
    Sean’s Polly, Polly! and ‘Sure’.
    It’s not just when you die, it’s here, I think it’s all around us and it’s just waiting for us to tap into it. I might have died and wake up, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to.
    Yeah, Polly!
    You seem to have no shame.
    Well, thank you.
    I want to adopt a baby, but apparently nobody wants to give a kid to the cancer lady.
    No, they hear cancer, people think you’re the boogieman.
    Can’t say I blame them. I know it sounds stupid but I just, I just thought if maybe I got a baby it would somehow magically guarantee I’d be around to take care of it.
    It’s not stupid. If you want something, if you really want something, you don’t ask for it, you demand it. You shout it out to the fucking universe, because you deserve it.
    There, now you’re wearing my lipstick.
    Do they wanna meet us? Oh, they wanna meet us!
    6/10
  5. They’re talking to a younger couple? What kind of bomb it is to drop? How are we supposed to compete with younger? This adoption just turned into a contest and we are in it to win it.
    Suck in. I am. Oh, shit.
    It’s not fair to compare you to some younger mama, everybody knows that blonde ladies don’t age well.
    How does this grab you? Paul Power.
    Neeh.
    Fuck me with the stick.
    Or as I say, Oprah who?
    There’s some hot chicks in that group too, turns out God is good.
    What are you doing and what happened to your face?
    Paul having a heart attack on stage.
    Sad about the past? Flip that switch. Scared about the future? Flip that switch. You’re ready to love your life? Flip that switch!
    That’s just my brother, It made it sound even worse, didn’t it?
    Am I allowed to eat like I’m about to have a baby, or do I actually have to be pregnant?
    You can eat whatever you want, as long as I can too.
    I told them you’re a great mom, I lied.
    Good news we can have another one of those.
    5/10
  6. I’m gonna need some caffeine to continue this conversation.
    Liquor and summer camp helped take the edge off. Getting a second kid is gonna be a great excuse to double my drinking.
    Close the fucking door.
    I wanna make a movie based on your life.
    You’re gonna ask Sandra Bullock to play me?
    Who’s asking? She’ll do it. She owes me, I gave her a fucking horse when she moved down to a ranch.
    I have some ideas, Beyonce, Queen Latifah, Meryl Streep, cause that bitch can play anybody.
    But she’s not dead.
    Oh, honey, it’s called dramatic license. Plus we all know there’s no cure for this.
    The movie has to end somehow, this is Hollywood, guys, that’s the way it works.
    Terms of Endearment, Titanic, Gladiator, Common Denominator, death, and huge box offices.
    You can take your joy and you can shove it and you, you can kill somebody else off in a movie.
    That woman wants to kill me. The issue is my future which I happen to believe in. I don’t want them making a movie about my dying when I’m trying to stay alive. Every time someone sees it, I’ll die. When When I do die, it’s gonna be once and it’s not gonna be in front of the whole world with everyone saying, oh she died so much better in the movie.
    Oh the final scene is absolutely breathtaking, Cathy’s making a huge whole in the wall, that is finally so The Big C!
    5.5/10
  7. It was very painful to watch Adam do that to Cathy.
    It’s for future, it’s for when you’re older and I’m dead.
    What the hell was that?
    Sorrow you can drown, rage floats.
    Good, I shot winter, I’m sick of fucking winter.
    The secret to shooting is patience.
    Well, then I’m fucked, cause patience is not something I have hell lot of now.
    Let’s blow shit up.
    I don’t let anyone guilt me into shit. I am not afraid of anything or anyone.
    Oh, no she didn’t, she is shameless. Joy has a package she wants to come and get in her room.
    Aha, I knew it! Is this a package you want Mrs J to come down here and get? I’m returning it due to lack of interest. Shame at you girl, standing here with all your lady business hanging out every which way.
    Look this is photo-booth discrimination. Who do I complain to? Jesus?
    God be with you! She actually drove away in her car!
    Poor Cathy! But the couple did look a little off from the beginning.
    5/10
  8. Cathy drags them into the woods and makes them turn off their clothes.
    Why? Why would you do this? Why would you promise a baby to someone that didn’t exist? That is not a rhetorical question!
    Doing what you had to do to get by?!
    Take off your clothes! Take off your fucking clothes! I don’t have a whole day and It’s cold out there.
    How ya feeling? A little exposed? Stupid? Welcome to the club.
    Seriously, seriously you thought someone would give their baby to a woman with cancer?
    I wanted to believe that it was possible! That someone could see the love and care that I could give a child, despite my diagnosis. I am the good one in this situation. So I say, yay for fucking me!
    In the meantime, I’d start walking.
    Truth be told, I haven’t felt like myself in months. I need a drink.
    Sweetie, What have gotten into you recently? It’s like your not thinking straight. Drinking in the middle of a day, getting tattoos, I mean, what the hell Cath?
    I said I’m sorry.
    Do I smell pot? Are you smoking pot?
    Yeah, I am.
    So you’re smoking pot now.
    Mom, you should keep smoking your pot, okay?
    Sh, sh, sh, too loud!
    You’re high.
    I’m very high.
    Is this you high, just giggling?
    I’m going to flip your switch.
    Right now I need you to break one and tell me Joy Fucking Climond’s room number.
    Where do you suggest we go to talk about you wanting to fuck my husband?!
    Have I fucked your husband? No. Would I be surprised if he fucked someone else? No. Because frankly Cathy, you are a downer. Your whole life is about nothing but you. Granted, I understand, cancer sometimes makes people very selfish.
    All of that negative energy and all of that anger. You keep it up, your cancer is gonna just pop right back, Missy.
    I did not gave myself cancer, the sun gave me cancer. It’s a flaming ball of radiation. Not my anger, not my energy, the sun. That’s it. I’m not done with you. You are a bitch.
    The lipstick on the wind-shield!
    Some people miss the bus, some people not so much.
    9.5/10
  9. Appearing live, not so much.
    Yeah, she goes by the name of Alexis.
    Do you think she was in pain?
    She was hit by a bus, so guessing, yep.
    Is everyone up but me?
    By the way, the pillow bar does not serve drinks, only pillows, I asked.
    Otherwise we take to much nitrogen into our system and we might feel like you’re drunk.
    A! Like the sound of that.
    So, Pablo Jamison 😀
    Thank you translation app!
    Damn, she’s having a PTSD.
    Why is there a broken Joy in our room.
    Why do you care, I’m dead to you anyway, right, Alexis?
    Everyone was nice, I was stressed, it was just a place where I could blow off some steam. I had a few drinks, maybe a cigarette. With all the crap that’s been going on in my life, I needed a place where I could be free.
    Thats what makes you being sick, okay, because even if you do go, it’s not the end. I’ll meet up with you there.
    I’ll probably at the all night pie eating place, check there first.
    I just got some grave news in the graveyard.
    Ernesto, if I see you up there, I will return the favour.
    Instead of saying that you’re 46 years young, it may have said that you’ve 46 anuses.
    Feel free to fuck around.
    Cathy and Sean showing themselves a finger.
    Why you’re really here? Something made you wanna try something different today. Maybe you’re stuck or afraid and you’re sick of it. You had a hunch, that maybe your life can be different. It can be different. We’re all alone out here, people. You’ve gotta put yourself first. It is time that we own our own destinies, anybody who’s gonna get in a way of our joy, we’re tell them to go fuck themselves.
    10/10
  10. I left my buddy.
    Where did you leave her?
    There-ish.
    Denero?
    Or is it Deniro? Robert DeNiro. You talking to me?
    Please don’t look directly at my thighs.
    Everyone has more history, good and bad than they can wear on their bodies. Why not wear it it your heart? Just my advice.
    Andrea is Andrea, again.
    Adam is finally acting like a Christian.
    I should have been protecting my buddy, but I was following my dick instead.
    Sean fighting over a rubber dinghy, a big yes. Get the fuck out, fuck off me.
    It’s a C for Cathy, and for cancer.
    I have cancer. I wanna say I had cancer, but I can’t.
    My doctor called me yesterday, told me my tumours are growing, again. Which really sucks, cause I’ve been doing this treatment and everything has been going so well and I really thought I was gonna beat this thing. Do you know what I think Angel, I think I’m gonna die within a year.
    It feels so good to cry. I’ve been trying so hard just to find my Joy, because I thought I was supposed to  be happy, or I was supposed to make other people happy, or I was supposed to make my kid think I’m happy, but… I just should have cried more. I should just cry more.
    Everyone screaming and complaining, and quarrelling, a kid hating his mother, Cathy running back to Angel, what a beautiful scene.
    I love how Cathy’s left all alone.
    9/10

Total grade: 7.7/10

Welcome to ReviewThisFilm

This website started as weekly reviews on movies and tv episodes, and a diary of the 700 new films I watched every year. Today it’s a place for me to write a few words on films and tv shows that leave some sort of impact on me. I no longer write in depth reviews, partially thanks to bad habits gained by spending many hours a day on Letterboxd, and partially because of my demanding day job.

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– Joanne

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About the Author

I just really love movies and watch 700 new ones a year.

My favourite actresses have always been Jodie Foster, Sally Field and Julianne Moore.

Favourite actors: Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro, Henry Fonda, Jack Lemmon, Vincent Price and John Candy.

Favourite Directors: Brian De Palma, Alfred Hitchcock, Paul Thomas Anderson, Andrzej Wajda, Krzysztof Kieslowski and Wes Craven.

dysfunctional families | troubled childhoods

psychological | independent | drama | horror

At the pictures 10 times a month. I rate films within genre. I watch all interesting titles about to expire on Netflix and HBO Go. I’m nostalgic and reminisce a lot. Over the years I’ve seen 140 TV Shows.

26. Polish-British and proud of both of my citizenships.

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Recent Posts

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About me

I am the dark and twisty Meredith Grey, the mad Dexter Morgan, hoping to grow up to be a little more like the wise, but fun Nora Walker. I am an aspiring filmmaker. My favorite actresses are Jodie Foster, Sally Field and Julianne Moore. Favorite genre – psychological drama. I watch anything with a sexual or mental abuse plot. I used to be a horror freak. I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, SVU and many more. My other interests include making oil and pencil portraits and wildlife conservation. I cannot say no to beautiful landscapes, travel, Aussie accent, TV/film quotes and avocados. I have recently moved back from Australia to the UK. I’ve been running this blog for the last 9 years. Here I comment on films and episodes I watch. Enjoy! – Joanne

The 140 Shows I’ve watched and am writing about

  1. Private Practice
  2. Greys
  3. SVU
  4. Bones
  5. Desperate Housewives
  6. Gilmore Girls
  7. Dexter
  8. The Big C
  9. Friends
  10. Judging Amy
  11. Parenthood
  12. Brothers and Sisters
  13. Cougar Town
  14. Castle
  15. Shameless
  16. Full House
  17. The Middle
  18. Revenge
  19. Bates Motel
  20. Orange is the New Black
  21. Lost
  22. American Horror Story
  23. Fuller House
  24. Downton Abbey
  25. The Killing
  26. Chase
  27. Sex and the city
  28. The Good Wife
  29. Six Feet Under
  30. Switched at Birth
  31. My So Called Life
  32. Nashville
  33. Party of Five
  34. Suburgatory
  35. Surviving Jack
  36. Scandal
  37. Big Little Lies
  38. Camp
  39. The Carrie Diaries
  40. The Goldbergs
  41. How To Get Away With Murder
  42. Everybody Loves Raymond
  43. Married With Children
  44. Scream
  45. Younger
  46. Grace and Frankie
  47. Freaks and Geeks
  48. When Calls the Heart
  49. Arrested Development
  50. Pretty Little Liars
  51. Past Life
  52. The Simpsons
  53. Bunheads
  54. Puberty Blues
  55. No Ordinary Family
  56. Weeds
  57. Sharp Objects
  58. Bad Judge
  59. Awkward
  60. Go On
  61. 30 Rock
  62. Dirt
  63. Close to Home
  64. Thirteen Reasons Why
  65. This is Us
  66. Modern Family
  67. Riverdale
  68. One Day at a Time
  69. Top of the lake
  70. The Leftovers
  71. Ozark
  72. Killing Eve
  73. Good Girls
  74. 911
  75. The Resident
  76. Crikey! It’s the Irwins
  77. Chilling Adventures of Sabrina
  78. Veronica Mars
  79. Dead to Me
  80. Schooled
  81. The Handmaid’s Tale
  82. Station 19
  83. Red Band Society
  84. Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath
  85. Little Fires Everywhere
  86. The Act
  87. The Morning Show
  88. Everything Sucks
  89. Mad Men
  90. For the People
  91. Unbelievable
  92. Bloodline
  93. Gypsy
  94. Liar
  95. The Insatiable
  96. Carol’s Second Act
  97. Chernobyl
  98. When They See Us
  99. The Society
  100. Girlboss
  101. When We Rise
  102. Locke and Key
  103. Russian Doll
  104. The Loudest Voice
  105. Soundtrack
  106. Sugar Rush
  107. V
  108. Grandfathered
  109. Faking It
  110. Secrets and lies (only season 1)
  111. Eye Candy
  112. The Whispers
  113. The Slap (AU)
  114. The Good Place
  115. The Good Fight
  116. Hollywood Darlings
  117. Off the Map
  118. Scream Queens
  119. Friday Night Lights
  120. Thirteen
  121. The Family
  122. Absentia
  123. F is for Family
  124. Starved
  125. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
  126. Fargo (only season 1)
  127. 90210
  128. Dead of Summer
  129. Amber
  130. Degrassi Next Class
  131. Looking for Alaska
  132. The Catch
  133. Mr Mercedes (only season 1)
  134. Light as a Feather
  135. American Crime Story
  136. 23.11.63
  137. Divorce
  138. American Crime
  139. The Politician
  140. Ravenswood
  141. Save Me
  142. Wet Hot American Summer

currently following on tv

currently (re)watching

return to eden
six feet under season 2
last man standing season 3

shows I need to catch up on

Feud
Transparent
Killing Eve
This is Us
The Good Fight
Gentleman Jack
I Am the Night

films that have been on my watchlist for years and years

The Rose
Agnes of God
Music Box
The Golden Pond
Rambling Rose
The Contender
Airport
Women in Love
The French Connection
California Suite
Chariots of Fire
Amadeus
The Accidental Tourist
A Woman under the Influence
The Happy Ending
Travels with My Aunt
Sounder
Hedda
The Turning Point
Coal Miner’s Daughter
Last Summer

will watch at the cinema

unhinged

Last films watched at the pictures that I loved

the hunt
the lighthouse

Archives

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my twitter bios

15.04.2011 ‘You forgot the number one rule about remakes: never fuck with the original.’ (Scream 4)

01.06.2011 ‘We need to become doers.’ 2×16 ‘You’re a doer, remember?’ 5×22 (Greys)

5.08.2011 “It’s just… Meredith always makes me think screwed up people have a chance.” (Greys)

9.10.2011 ‘You be wowed, I’ll be drunk.’ (The Big C)

10.11.2011 ‘George is dead and Izzie is gone and we’re all different. We’re different.’ (Greys)

17.12.2011 ‘I thought I was headed in the right direction. My Dark Passenger back behind the wheel. But if I was so sure I knew where I was going…How did I get so lost?’ (Dexter)

23.01.2012 ‘You’re drowning, Grey.’ (Greys)

18.11.2012 ‘You’re a serial killer and I’m more fucked up than you are.’ (Dexter)

7.05.2013 ‘I think my antidepressants just kicked in.’ (The Big C)

10.05.2015 ‘The sad widow is my friend. My best friend.’ (Greys)

My tumblr titles

10.10.10 – ‘Like I said, I’m screwed.’ (Greys)

15.04.11 – ‘It’s just a good story.’ (Greys)

22.06.11 – ‘I should have fought for you, Violet.’ (Private Practice)

20.12.11 – ‘I am a father, a son, a serial killer.’ (Dexter)

8.08.12 – ‘You have to pick the girl who lives.’ (The Big C)

5.10.12 – ‘You are my person. You will always be my person.’ (Greys)

10.11.12 – ‘Thirty second dance party. Dance or you’re fired.’ (Greys)

19.02.13 – ‘There’s nowhere on Earth I’d rather be right now.’ (Castle)

29.07.13 – ‘The family that kills together.’ (Dexter)

15.01.15 – ‘Let’s go home.’ (Parenthood)

20.05.2015 – ‘The sad widow is my friend, my best friend.’ (Greys)

What I’m tweeting about

  • My favorite films last year were The Quiet Girl and Tár and they were both nominated, so I'm thrilled! #Oscars2023 1 week ago
  • I really hope The Quiet Girl gets an Oscar nom. It's is such a wonderful film. I cried like a baby during the final… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 3 weeks ago
  • I flew with Aer Lingus this Christmas and they had @gwenstefani's You Make It Feel Like Christmas special in their… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 4 weeks ago
  • RIP, Terry Hall. 1 month ago
  • On Tuesday I flew to LA to attend the live taping of #TheVoice Season 22 Finale because it was the last chance to s… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 1 month ago
  • I can't wait to finally see @gwenstefani in concert! I bought tickets to 4 of Gwen's UK shows and I can already tel… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 1 month ago
  • Happy Birthday to Miranda Otto! 1 month ago
  • Can't believe The White Lotus actually killed off its main character! Why bring her back just to kill her in the most random way? 1 month ago
  • Happy Birthday, Julianne Moore!! 2 months ago
  • Happy Birthday to the Prince of Darkness! @OzzyOsbourne 2 months ago
  • Happy 18th Birthday to Love. Angel. Music. Baby! 2 months ago
  • I will never be okay with Blake Shelton leaving The Voice. He is exceptionally great at coaching and has entertaine… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 3 months ago
  • RIP, Queen Elizabeth II. 5 months ago
  • Congrats to Laura Linney, Julia Garner, Sarah Paulson, Jodie Comer, Sandra Oh, Reese Witherspoon, Margaret Qualley,… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 6 months ago
  • I really hope Maryanne is crowned #Survivor tonight, but Lindsay and Mike could also win. 8 months ago
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favourite film and tv quotes

‘When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I’ve met you and moved to Sydney, I haven’t listened to one Abba song. That’s because my life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.’ (Muriel’s Wedding)

‘I used to think about
your life in New York. I tried to imagine your room. I kept track of the time difference, so I  knew when you were awake and when you were asleep.’ (Disobedience)

‘Nothing’s clean, Howard. But we do our best, right?’ (The Aviator)

‘No, I’m not quitting. I don’t quit things.’
‘No, actually you do. Your mother quit your father. Your father quit you. You quit your boyfriend and if I read your hospital chart correctly you quit your life momentarily on a couple of occasions. You quit. It’s what you know how to do.’ (Greys)

‘Where the hell was I that year?’
‘Your were watching television’. (Everybody Loves Raymond)

‘It’s impossible to worry about anything else when there’s blood coming out of you.’
(Short Term 12)

‘I wanted it to happen. And when we were girls… Even then, it was the same. It’s always been this way! I have always wanted it.’ (Disobedience)

‘Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes you play games in your head. You make up someone, someone good.’ (Greys)

‘There comes a moment when our lives change forever. The moment we admit our weaknesses, the moment we rise to a challenge, the moment we accept a sacrifice, or let a loved one go. And sometimes the change in our lives is an answer to our prayers.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘Yesterday I went to the movies all day by myself. One after the other. I’ve never done that before. I had a really happy day.’ (Doing Time for Patsy Cline)

‘I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I might die today.’ (Greys)

‘She saved me my whole life. Without her, I’m nothing.’ (The Favourite)

‘Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together.’  (Greys)

‘Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five miutes, but her husband never knew, because when Bree finally emerged, she was perfect.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘I am not food, you cannot just eat and eat.’ (The Favourite)

‘I don’t love him.’
‘Of course you do.’
‘No!’
‘Don’t take me for a fool Olive,  I’m many things but I’m not a fool.’
‘I know that, you’re brilliant.’
‘Don’t you see, it’s over. Whatever this is, was, it’s over.’
‘I love You.’ (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women)

‘At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing, is reason enough to celebrate.’ (Greys)

‘Many years ago, a neighbour and a good friend of ours took her life, and that left us all heartbroken and perplexed. But somehow, when I was alone in that hotel room, I forget about all the pain that she caused. In those awful moments, I thought maybe she had the answer.‘ (Desperate Housewives)

‘What happened last year when you fell in the water?’
‘I almost drowned. Do you think I did that for kicks?’
‘You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ammunition.’
‘I was trying to save a patient!’
‘Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other. You’re careless with your life. You’re not slitting your wrists but you’re careless. Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space on this planet. The problem is you believed her. And if you don’t want out one of these days you’re going to die because of it.’  (Greys)

‘This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life. I met them the day they moved in. And I saw what they brought with them. Beautiful dreams for the future. And quiet hopes for a better life. Not just for themselves, but for their children, too. If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled. The trick is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn’t see coming, but that’s really the point. Don’t you think?’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘Was your life not working when you let that slip out from under you?’
‘When are you going to stop suggesting that I’m suicidal?’
‘When you start acting like someone that wants to be alive.’
‘Give me my chart.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m not suicidal, and if it says that I am, then it’s wrong.’ (Greys)

‘There is nothing wrong with me.’
‘Then show me your arm.’ (Degrassi)

‘Look, my whole life, I have been the freak. The girl who nobody picked for dodgeball. The girl who didn’t have a mom. The girl who dressed funny because it was her dad buying her clothes. And then, tonight I looked at these people, and I thought maybe there’s a future where I don’t have to be a freak. Maybe I can be who I am and that’s okay.’ (Everything Sucks)

‘Dr, I have been this way since…since I can remember. There is no cure.’ (American Horror Story)

‘He was so crazy about me, I couldn’t breathe. So we tried drinking our way back into love, but it never made sense in the morning. So I ran. And every time I came back, he was here. And he was still crazy about me.’ (My Blueberry Nights)

‘Bree van de Kamp had always wanted to live her life with elegance and grace. That is also how she wanted to die. Her plan was to pour herself a glass of her favorite chardonnay, put on her most stylish nightgown and leave behind a note on embossed stationery.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘All we have is this moment. The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid being alive today. So be… here…. now.’ (Six Feet Under)

‘On the train coming here, we were in the same cart, I saw you, you were reading and you feel asleep. I didn’t dare to look at you, you were so beautiful, it was scary. Afterwards,  I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It made me smile. Then I thought of all the men who would get to hold you, who’d make you laugh. How lucky they were.’ (Enemy at the Gates)

‘It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. Even when it was hard, I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought I cant do this, I cant do this alone. I close my eyes and imagine myself doing it, and I did, I blocked out the fear, and I did it.’ (Greys)

‘There comes a time when we must expose our weaknesses. When our secrets can no longer remain private, when our solitude can no longer be denied, when our pain can no longer be ignored, but sometimes we feel so alone that a weakness we thought we’d overcome suddenly becomes too strong to fight.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘Why did you get married, Esti? Why didn’t you just leave? So everything was all right when I left?’
‘No. I was ill.’
‘What sort of ill?’
‘In my head.’
‘If I had to sleep with a man, why not with our best friend?’
‘Oh, Esti…’
‘It hasn’t been a complete disaster.’
‘And that’s enough?! Do you have to have sex every Friday?’
‘It’s expected.’
‘It’s medieval. What happened to you?’
‘Nothing. You happened to me. And then I started teaching and that became important. I give them ambition.’
‘To do what? Push out seven babies and be a good wife?’
‘Don’t. Don’t. I help them to value themselves.’
‘Okay, but what about you?’
‘That is me. And you? Are you happy?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Have you been with other women?’
‘No. Not really. And you?’
‘No.’
‘But, Esti… Do you still
only fancy women?’ (Disobedience)

‘OK, then, listen. Let’s not get caught.’
‘What are you talkin’ about?’
‘Let’s keep goin’!’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘Go.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yeah. Yeah.’ (Thelma & Louise)

‘She let me live at Nora’s house. She let me believe that I was a part of their family. I fell in love with that family. What am I supposed to do, just sit there, pretend I’m related to them? I was happy. For the first time in my life I was happy.’ (Brothers and Sisters)

‘You will be left all alone with your bitterness and your rage and your knowledge that you loved her and she loved you and you threw it away for them.’
‘Do you love her?’
‘Yes.’
‘And Have you always?’
‘Yes.’
‘So then ask her.’
‘Olive, will you forgive me?’ (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women)

‘No razors, no scissors, no fucking freedom.’
(Short Term 12)

‘You can’t take a picture of this. It’s already gone.’ (Six Feet Under)

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