Film Reviews: Dads. Fantasy Island. Animal Crackers. Gretel and Hansel. Back To The Future. Armageddon.

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Dads

Little Bryce Dallas telling her dad Ron Howard he’s embarrassing her by filming her is one of the two highlights of this doc from Bryce. The second one is a video of a dad destroying his teenage son’s PlayStation with a sledgehammer. I liked Dads, but just as you’d expect, there’s nothing new here. The only thing I’ve learned from this film is that Will Smith’s got three children, not two.

‘No video?’
‘You’re embarrassing me.’

6/10

Fantasy Island

I was thinking of watching this at the movies, but it was only on for a week and I saw that it was at 8% on Rotten Tomatoes, so I chose to stay home. The only two things I liked about this film are the Panic Room reference and how the bully didn’t even remember the main character’s name. That’s the thing, bully forgets the minute they’re done bullying, while the bullied is scarred forever.

‘I feel just like Jodie Foster in that Jodie Foster movie.’

3/10

Animal Crackers

‘Why Am I So Romantic?’ is a catchy song. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I think this is my first The Marx Brothers film? Which is weird seeing how my dad is always on about them and yet I’ve never come across their films on TV? Thanks, Mubi for correcting that and for never failing to educate me!

7/10

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Gretel and Hansel

Not as good as the Blackcoat’s Daughter, but it has a lot of potential and is better than I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives In The House. I collected an A1 poster for this film from my local cinema, it’s black and dark yellow and has the grandma pulling a long lock of hair from her mouth.

7.5/10

Back To The Future

Are you telling me Robert Zemeckis really believed we would be flying our cars in 2015? Reality must have hit him hard. Ever since I watched Back to the Future as a kid, every time a kid asked me what year I would time travel to if I could, I’d say I’d want to meet my parents when they were teenagers. Then again, they grew up in different cities and there’s a 4 year age gap between them. None of the kids ever got the reference. I’ve always loved the first film and was never a fan of the other two. I would rate the sequel at 6/10 as It’s always annoyed me that they couldn’t find enough interesting things about the future, so they went back to 1955 again?, and the last one, which I found pointless, at 4/10.

9.5/10

Armageddon

The Twin Towers scene stunned me. Aerosmith providing soundtrack for this film including their hit song ‘I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing’ for scenes including ones with Steven Tyler’s daughter Liv makes me wonder whether Liv was cast first, or whether Aerosmith were asked to record the soundtrack before she was cast, either way a fine example of nepotism, and I’m not even bothered. I didn’t like the film though, what a waste of 2.5h. If you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you watch the first 8 minutes, which include the fictional destruction a meteor attack brought on New York and then you may as well switch it off.

4.5/10

Film Reviews: Safe. The Assistant. Our Little Sister. Tomboy. District 9. National Gallery. Don’t Talk to Irene. Passion. Friday Night Lights

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safe assistant our sister

Safe

A female suddenly becomes allergic to the environment. Her husband and doctors  are convinced it’s psychological. Possibly the best time to re-visit this Todd Haynes masterpiece starring his muse, Julianne Moore. I never realised how much weight Julie had to drop for this role. I read that she felt awful and pledged to never lose or gain weight for a role ever again. I hate how misleading this poster is, it’s not a post apocalyptic film.

9.5/10

The Assistant

We witness a day in the life of a film producer’s assistant as she gets on with her daily tasks and questions her boss’s integrity when it comes to hiring another assistant. In one of the first scripts since the Me Too movement, the assistant, decides to go to HR and raise a complaint against her boss, even though she has no proof and doesn’t even know if anything has happened. Her current and future jobs are threatened and she backs down. My favourite scene has got to be the one at the very end when she talks to her dad and her dad tells her how proud her parents are of her. That ached, because it’s true, our parents don’t know half of the shit we go through, because we want to protect them and we want to protect the image they have of us, no matter how fake it is. The film ends with the girl witnessing a suggestive scene through a window with his boss and a very poor wanna be actress and her walking back to her flat. I love Ozark, but this is amazing too. I can’t wait to see Julia Garner get an Oscar one day. This film also made me want to check out Casting JonBenet, a Kitty Green film I’ve been putting off for 3 years now. My dad didn’t like this film at all.

9/10

Our Little Sister

Three adult sisters attend their estranged father’s funeral. They meet their half sister and offer to take her to live with them in this old traditional Japanese house their mother left them. I would have never known about this wonderful gem if it wasn’t for Mubi. I’ve updated my 100 Favourite films of the decade, sacrificing a less perfect title.

9/10

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Tomboy

When her new friends mistakenly take her for a boy, an 11 year old girl tries to figure out whether she’s a boy, or if she’s just a tomboy. The secret comes out and her  little sister is very supportive, their mother is not accepting. It made me think of Boys Don’t Cry and I loved every minute of it! This is my 4th Celine Sciamma film, I still haven’t seen Girlhood (come on Mubi, please add it already!), and I’m mesmerized by every single one of them.

9.5/10

District 9

Aliens land in South Africa, people are not kind to them and keep them locked, experiment on them and kill them without a good reason. A male accidentally sprays a liquid on himself and his arm turns into a claw. While being chased by humans, he befriends an alien, and screws him over, but in the end they reconcile. The man turns into an alien ‘The Fly’ style while humans think he’s disappeared. He waits for his friend to come back in 3 years and help him, but we never see what happens. Peter Jackson didn’t plan a sequel, but the ending is very sequel’y. It’s a good movie, but why is it one of the 1000 movies we need to see before we die? I also didn’t know Nathalie Boltt, who plays Cheryl’s mom on Riverdale is South African until I IMDB’d her while watching this film. I laughed when they announced on the news that the main character is wanted for shagging an alien and then everyone he ran into asked him about his sexual preferences.

‘I would never have any kind of… pornographic activity with a fokkin’ creature.’

7/10

National Gallery

While waiting for the galleries to re-open take a virtual step into the London’s National Gallery and follow the staff as they go on with their daily tours and activities. The restoration process looks fascinating. I’ve been to Trafalgar Square so many times, yet I’ve never found time to visit the National Gallery. I mean, I took advanced Visual Arts in secondary school and an Art History elective in my first semester of uni for crying out loud. I need to find time. The film is 3h long, and I would advise you fast forward through the staff meeting parts.

7/10

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Don’t Talk to Irene

Irene is a fifteen year old girl who wants to be a cheerleader. She only has one friend, an imaginary friend, Geena Davis. If you love Geena Davis, you’ll love this! Geena Davis herself admits that Earth Girls Are Easy was a stupid film. She also mentions many of her other films, most notably A League of their Own and Thelma and Louise. I did find it disappointing that the girl wasn’t in love with Geena. Why else would you convince yourself you’re actually talking to your favourite celebrity, while in fact you’re talking to a poster on the wall.

7/10

Passion

Brian De Palma still at it with the erotic thrillers. I didn’t like the film that much while I was watching it, but now when I look back, It wasn’t that bad. The title itself is just a click-bate though. There is a lesbian plot in this and you won’t be surprised until you finally see how they chose to play it out. I wonder if this film is why Rachel McAdams was cast in Disobedience. I remember seeing an interview on Youtube where Rachel Weisz said McAdams got the job because of her acting in Spotlight. This is my least favourite film of De Palma’s and yet I still want it on DVD.

What do you want?
I used to want to be admired.
I admire you.
Well, now I want to be loved.

5/10

Friday Night Lives

I was a fan of the TV Show, but the film is not for me. I kept waiting for Kyle Chandler to pop up on my screen and say: ‘Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!’

6/10

Goodbye, Childhood. Goodbye, Full(er) House

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I still cannot believe we were blessed with such fantastic dose of nostalgia. I remember how happy I was when Fuller House was announced 5 years ago. I loved how they managed to re-enact some of the most famous scenes from Full House including Stephanie driving Joey’s car into the kitchen, Steph and DJ’s telethon performances and so many more. I’m just so happy and sad at the same time. Full House and Fuller House will always be a part of me. Thank you for coming back, Full House. Thank you, Fuller House. See you in 20 years, Fullest House!

Film Reviews: To The Stars. Jack The Bear. Julia. The Woman in the Window. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend. Deadly Shores. Ophelia. Popeye the Sailor and Sindbad the Sailor. Nothing in Common

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to the stars jack the bear julia 8

To The Stars

A bullied teenager befriends a new girl in town. The new girl is a mystery to everyone and likes to lie to everyone about herself and her family. She’s hiding a personal secret that is soon going to come out and change everything. My kind of screenplay. This is probably my favorite LGBT film of 2019. Time to update my Favourite films of the 2010s list.

10/10

Jack The Bear

Exactly what I needed today. The relationship between the two brothers is what’s running the film here. What happened to Miko Hughes’s career after the nineties? He was awesome in every single one of those kid roles he played including in Pet Sematary, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, Mercury Rising, Full House and so many more. Jack the Bear must have been shelved for years, because the ages of child actors were at least 3 years off from how old their characters were, Reese Witherspoon would have been 16 in 1992, but looked 13 in the film, and Miko was 3.5 in the film, but would have been 6 in ’92.

7/10

Julia

A writer goes to meet her friend who was injured in the war many years ago, and whom she had a crush on as a little girl. I wish I realised she’s the writer of The Children’s Hour before she mentioned it an hour and a half into the film.

‘There are women who reach a perfect time of life when the face will never again be as good, the body never as graceful, powerful. It had happened that year to Julia.’

‘Act gay. Can you act gay?’

‘After all, the whole world knows about you and Julia.’
‘What does the whole world know, Sammy? What does the world know?’
‘Don’t be that way. I’m a sophisticated man. If anybody understands the sex urge of the adolescent girl, it’s me.’

8/10

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The Woman in the Window

A film noir classic. This film was originally supposed to end with a suicide, but the studio said that would be too horrific, so we got this highly disappointing ending instead.

7/10

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy vs. the Reverend

It took me almost 3 hours to go through all possible scenarios and some of them were clearly better than others, for example how on Earth is my favourite character accidentally ending Times Up funny? There’s also a diss at Lori Loughlin and the USC scandal. I won’t miss this show that much, I’d rather re-watch 30 Rock.

7/10

Deadly Shores

Carly Schroeder’s last film before she retired from acting and joined the army. I loved Mean Creek as a kid, and I think her acting was better when she was younger. It’s been a month and I couldn’t possibly tell you how this movie ended, I know a young wife followed her writer husband to a property by the seaside, where his deceased wife lived, there she finds out he’s in love with someone else and is planning to get rid of her.

2.5/10

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Ophelia

Let me guess, Naomi Watts refused to do this little adaptation unless they let her play two characters?

Fun fact, I once played Ophelia in a school play, back in 8th grade, I think? This took me back.

6/10

Popeye the Sailor and Sindbad the Sailor

Why this particular Popeye, Mubi? I grew up watching Full House, so whenever someone mentions Popeye or I see someone wearing a Popeye T-shirt, I automatically think of Joey Gladstone and his Popeye impression.

5.5/10

Nothing in Common

This is what Mad Men would be like if it was a comedy.

5/10

 

TV Reviews: Dead to Me Season 2

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Another wonderful season full of twists. I know a lot of people ship Jen and Judy, and I do too, I wasn’t at first because this show was a perfect example of queerbating, but thanks to tumblr (my handle is movieskeepmealive), I now am. Even my dad ships them to be honest, in episode 4 when they get rid of the body and spend the night in that hotel, he said they should just get together already. In season two we learn that one of the girls is bisexual and is seeing a girl for three episodes. In the last episode when Jen forgives Judy and they hug, my dad threw ‘And they’re not a couple?’, which made me feel extremely proud. I definitely haven’t rated another show this high this season, it was perfect. I watched all episodes the minute they were released and then rewatched them again a couple days later with my family. Here are my notes and quotes I’ve written down during my marathon.

Dead to Me 2.01

We learn that Jen didn’t shoot Steve, she killed him with a wooden bird that belongs to her younger son. Noisy neighbor is still noisy and almost exposes Jen by accident. Jen is also seen cleaning up blood.

Judy is back!
It killed itself.
But you do have somewhere to stay? You do have people?
Totally.
You snuck up on me like a fucking Prius.
I was fucking a grown man last night.
Well, you don’t know how I fuck.
You should see the resolution on our street camera.
What the fuck are you doing?
There’s something stuck in your drain.
Your hair smells so good.
He can’t fucking hear you.
Don’t fucking curse at me.
Don’t ever tell a woman that she’s overreacting, because most of the time women are underreacting.
Is Judy coming back?
They broke up again.
Some of your crystals wouldn’t take the hint.

10/10

Dead to Me 2.02

Steve has a twin brother and at first I was very disappointed with the twin twist, but it grew on me. Body’s in the fridge.

Who the fuck is Ben?
Am I dead? Did I die?
Nobody’s dead.
That’s just my face. I have an upset face.
Steve’s missing.
He calls his mom every day.
I didn’t know you had other friends.
They’re semi-identical.
They’re the same fucking person!
I’ve turned him in for money laundering.
Wherever you go, fucking chaos follows.
You think I’m gonna leave my kids to you?
Stay the fuck out of it.
Where did you get this?
I truly can’t remember.
Must be good shit then.
I said I don’t fucking know I’ll be able to.
I gained 10 pounds over summer.
You look beautiful.
Judy’s got it.

9.5/10

Dead to Me 2.03

There were already 6 rats underneath the fridge? I can’t lie, when Jen lost it and told her son and his creepy friend to get the fuck out, I thought this is exactly how I would be with my children if they annoyed me if I had children. Jen goes to the store and buys a lot of lye to dissolve rats in. As per her son’s creepy friend’s advice, girls decide to bury the body in a local forrest.

No need to Six Senth me into a heart attack.
They’ll Shawshank their teeth through everything.
He dumped you after 5 miscarriages.
I never thought he would get angry enough to try to kill you.
I teach a painting class.
She’s an art critic.
The Dark Web.
How to get rid of a dead body.
Her heart will go on and on.
I just need you to get the fuck out of here.
Open the freezer.
I’m freaking the fuck out here!
Nothing was fine.
I may have a new plan.
I forgive you.
Yes, you’re really fucking scary.

10/10

Dead to Me 2.04

Girls learn that Karen’s husband is cheating on her with a man. I loved the scenes in the bar where the girls pretend to be related to the bride to get free drinks, get hit on, just so Jen can throw in the fantastic line about getting one more jig in before throwing themselves off the bridge and another one liner about singing Hallelujah! Judy did get to sing eventually when Jen’s son’s bird died, she ended up singinhg Dream a Little Dream of Me. Jen’s older son Charlie finds Steve’s car and thinks it’s his birthday gift.

We’re middle aged women in a Mercedes.
Was it worth it? You commited a crime.
What was so important you had to look at your phone?
I just wanted to sing a song for Steve.
I’m sorry if I got a little rigid at the fact that we couldn’t stop and sing Halle – Fucking – Lujah.
We’re not in fucking Snow White, we’re in Scarface.
Why don’t you go for a walk and say ‘fuck’ outside.
Thank you for mansplaining to me why you are the most affected by climate change.
Will you be my person?
The bride is my second cousin.
Does it look like my friend wants to fucking dance?
Those girls look like they want to kill themselves, maybe they wanna get a nice jig in before they jump off the bridge.
How have we not talked about Jeff?
Those guys are joined at the dick.
You owe me 83 dollars.
The dog did it.
Sometimes people need a friend more than the truth.
Holy shit, fuck yeah, Mom!

10/10

Dead to Me 2.05

Judy grabs some food with this girl that’s been hitting on her all season and re-adjusts her bra when the girl isn’t looking, which means she clearly likes her. Jen finds out her son found the car and to dispose of evidence sge decides to set it on fire.

There’s been an energetic shift.
I hope so, cause momma needs a fucking break!
Do you really need 8 bottles of wine?
I’m sorry, are you the wine sheriff? Because I am the dick Police and you have the right to remain fucking silent!
You’re my fucking problem. I’m not paying for that.
What were you thinking, you’re over 50.
No I’m not.
Are you sure?
Your personality is offputting.
Maybe later after my chiropractor leaves.
I saw you on my steet cam.
Shut up, it’s not him, you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re drunk.
Did that loosen something up?
No one can ever know what happened.
Just help me and get them out of here.

8/10

Dead to Me 2.06

Judy gives Charlie the sex talk. If they ever charge Judy with Steve’s murder, she has the perfect excuse, he threatened to kill her. We learn that Judy is in fact bi and her new girlfriend’s ex that lives with her is the cop who hates Judy.

You’re in so much fucking trouble.
What were you doing sitting in a car for 5h? Oh God.
You just lost your bedroom door.
Happy?
Fucking ecstatic.
Mother fuck…
I lost my virginity in a car, it was wonderful.
100 dollars.
That’s not a lot of money anymore.
Fuck you…
What are you drawing?
Seriously? It’s a check.
What the fuck Judy? You fucking bitch! I know you see me calling bitch. I’m gonna fucking kill you. You’re fucking dead.
You like her.
I do. She makes me feel really good.
You deserve that.
Protect yourself and always get consent.

10/10

Dead to Me 2.07

Judy’s already in love with her new girlfiend. Jen volunteers herself and Judy to throw a vigil for Steve and we learn that they’ve cast Frances Conroy as Steve and Ben’s mom! Charlie attends the vigil and sees pictures of Steve in his car with his baseball cap on, the very same one his girlfriend wore in the pictures they took.

I love you.
Oh Hell no.
Pushing your enormous head out of my vagina was a lot of work.
I’m a middle aged woman in high heels with a bad back.
It’s a sweet gesture, if you didn’t kill the person the vigil is for.
Nah, fuck that.
Of all the lesbians in Laguna.
I cannot have you fucking her girlfriend on the other side of the wall.
That’s not the layout of the house.
I’m sorry you had to do that.
Shitm I want to go missing.
Better taste in women.
You’d be surprised how often perpertrators show up to something like this.
Special thanks to Jen and Judy.
Oh fuck.
God sees everything and sooner or later he’ll bring the truth to light.
If there’s silver lining in all this, it’s me and you.

10/10

Dead To Me 2.08

Ben’s parents turn out to be crazy rich and are thinking of selling their mansion. Charlie’s first girlfriend vandalises their garage and then sends incriminating pictures to the police as a revenge on Charlie for dumping her. Judy wants to become a baby cuddler, but is told that the person has to have a clear Police record.

Why did you have Steve Wood’s car?
People are a fucking mess.
Crazier things have happened.
Literally they have not.
I want you to have whatever you want.
You think an Arts and Crafts teacher is a better suspect than the Greek mafia?
I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say Maid’s Chambers.
Fuck those girls, they don’t deserve you.
Scars show you went through something hard and you survived and it’s your story.
Jesus Christ, it won’t go away.
I know what you did.
I’ve wanted to do it all this time.

10/10

Dead to Me 2.09

Katey Segal aka Peggy Bundy, as in Christina Applegate’s mom from Married With Children plays Judy’s mom! In this episode Jen tells Judy the truth about Steve’s death and she doesn’t take it well. Judy wants to confess to the crime, but Jen ends up confessing herself. She leaves an ‘In Case of Emergency’ binder and writes three letters, to Judy and each of her sons.

I got here and it was like I could finally exhale.
I’ve waited my whole life to meet someone like you.
Once you go in, they make it almost impossible for you not to come back.
You were a kid, they shouldn’t have made you testify.
If I had a lawyer that didn’t get his degree at Costco.
Last thing I needed was to be molested.
You’re my mother. Aren’t we supposed to look out for each other?
I’m gonna take the blame for it.
The night Steve died, I was going to kill myself, but then you called me and you saved me. And maybe you saved me for a reason, so I could do this for you now.
He was walking away, he didn’t attack me. I attacked him.
But you said he was strangling you.
I lied.
What did he say to you?
It doesn’t matter.
Clearly it matters because you fucking killed him. What did he fucking say?!
He said he wanted to die because of me.
I don’t hate you.
You’d stick around for anybody.
I’m not like you.
Stop it. Just fucking stop it!
There’s something I need to confess.

10/10

Dead To Me 2.10

Jen turns herself in and leaves the kids to Judy.

I killed Steve Hale.
And be their legal guardian.
We’re going back to the car, before our bodies are never found.
She’s the fucking angel on Earth.
She sees the good in people even when it isn’t there.
I guess I thought I’d get what I deserved.
That will carry it’s way in the court room.
She was murdered. She was trying to protect me from my stepfather.
But you’re gonna go home and we’re never gonna talk about what we didn’t find here.
Sometimes justice works itself out.
We love you too.
I don’t want to carry around any more pain. I’m tired of feeling sad and hurt. And resenting you would just be punishing myself.
I’m glad you decided to come back.
It would help if you wrote a a letter to the parol office.
No. Because you haven’t changed.
I can reframe it.
I’m buying you out.
Are you about to kill yourself?
Jen, wake up!
What happened.
We got hit.

10/10

Overall rating: 9.75/10

I think I liked this season more than the first one. Like I said, this show is fantastic and I really hope it is renewed for a third season!

Thanks for reading,
Joanne

TV Reviews: How To Get Away with Murder 6.15. Station 19 3.16. 911 3.17. One Day at a Time 4.06. The Simpsons 31.22

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Sad to hear Schooled has been cancelled. At least we still have The Goldbergs, which was just renewed for season 8. The Resident got renewed too! I just need to know about Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist and that’s all my shows for the year. Now I’m just waiting for Younger to come back, which should be sometime next month. These are my last reviews, I have nothing left in my notebook. I now need to catch up on Good Girls, The Good Fight, Killing Eve and Top of the Lake, and finally watch Little Fires Everywhere and Mrs America. For the next few months you’ll see a lot of film reviews (I’ve been obsessed with Mubi the last few months).

Four of my Netflix shows are coming back in June, and I’m not happy that they’re all returning one by one. What am I going to look forward to between July and 2021? No shows will be filming this summer. The shows coming back in June are:

Fuller House – 2nd of June
13 Reasons Why – 5th of June
F is For Family – 12th of June
The Politician – 19th of June

I’m scared of what I’ll rate The Politician. I only started watching it because of Jessica Lange working with Ryan Murphy again. It didn’t look like something I might like, but then I was working a night shift and was on my break and I was too tired to follow a film plot, so I thought I’d give it a try. I hardly liked it. I’ll probably give season 2, 2 ouf of 10 and that will prove what a waste of time this show is. Later in June I’ll catch up on the 6 shows I mentioned above. I’m currently watching Mad Men before it expires from Netflix, and it upsets me almost as much as it did when I started watching it all these years ago. Don Draper is not a good guy. What I do is I fast forward through the storylines I’m not interested in, like relationships I know won’t last and watch all or most scenes with Joan, Peggy and little Sally.

How To Get Away With Murder 6.15

The series finale. Goodbye, How To Get Away With Murder, you were so good! Thanks for being a wonderful addition to my life for the last 6 years! Now I’m forever stuck crying over Frank and Bonnie. The episode starts with them making us believe that someone shot Annalise on the court’s steps. Bonnie doesn’t make it and that’s the one thing that leaves me heartbroken. No one deserved a happy ending more than Bonnie. Wes’s son riding his bike just like Wes did in the opening scene of the show and then taking over Annalise’s How To Get Away With Murder class? Brilliant. And he went to Middleton and Annalise was his mentor? Tegan finally professes her love to Annalise, who turns her down, or does she? They’re seen dancing in flashforwards.

You’re the one who kept us together, Bonnie. We pretended like it was Annalise, but it was always you who kept us safe.
Frank is ride or die for you, just like Bonnie, just like me.
Dead witness when I get my hands on him.
7 grand, just don’t take the stand against Annalise.
Your dad made me kill your sibling.
Your dad killed Lyla, and you know how I know? He had me do it.
I’m a survivor. I survived getting taunted by the N word when I was in grade school. I survived the sexual abuse by my uncle when I was 11. I survived losing my first love, Eve, because I was scared to be gay. Then the death of my son in a car accident, then the murder of my husband. Then alcoholism, depression, grief. And every death leading up to this trial. Who I am is a 53 year old woman from Memphis, Tennesse, name Anna Mae Harkness. I’m ambitious, black, bisexual, angry, sad, strong, sensitive, scared, fierce, talented, exhausted. And I am at your mercy.
I think I’m in love with you Annalise. I tried to fight it, but I’m taking my mask off too. I cannot not have you in my life, because I love you.
What do you really want?
Love, and I can give that to you. I can make you happy.
I can’t promise you the same.
Oliver, thank you. Now I know how to love.

10/10

Station 19 3.16

We learn Andy’s mom is still alive, which is the opposite of what her father let her believe. Andy spends the entire episode thinking her mother killed herself, but she is in fact, very much alive, despite not having any contact with Maya for 20 years. Maya’s father visits and abuses her by pulling her hair. Maya then decides to chop her ponytail off. She then runs to Karina, apologises to her and they get back together. Teddy Altman witnesses it and tries to help Maya convince Karina to take her back. Pac North was bombed and according to rumors, the same was supposed to happen to Grey Sloan Memorial on Greys. Bombs were most likely left in all Seattle hospitals. Apparently one of the Greys regulars was supposed to die too, and my money is on Avery.

Now I think my mother killed herself.
The body remembers the event, the body remembers the trauma.
Sometimes a breakthrough can look like a breakdown.
Why are we carrying rodents, 19?
See, I told you, sex offender.
I ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had, because of him.
You should forgive her.
I love you Maya.

8.5/10

911 3.17

In this episode, a kid gets stuck in an air balloon, after her mother doesn’t even think to hold onto the rope, after disembarking the balloon first. And like my mom said while we were watching this, she didn’t even thank the team for saving her daughter! Kid is saved after Buck jumps into the balloon. A lady gets electrocuted after carjacking a truck, later a male gets stuck in a freezer. Athena pretends she’s SVU’s Olivia Benson. The serial rapist is still at large and Athena decides to stupidly chace after him herself. While Athena is dying, the team including her husband Bobby listen to her getting beat up. I can’t wait to see next week’s episode with the train derailment and Abby’s big comeback! Good for Hen for wanting to go back to school, I’m going back to uni after years of working, so I can relate, but I just hope there’s a way we can keep her on working weekends? I’ll miss her too much.

He took pieces of me.
Send an ambulance, two.
Hearing her struggle.
I’m thinking of going to med school.
There’s been a derailment.
Sounds like you’ve done this before.
I’ve sat where you are.

9/10

One Day at a Time 4.06

It’s the midseason finale. Rita Moreno has a wonderful monologue by the end of the episode about how where she grew up is no longer her home.

I guess my mom knows how to get chicks.
Sometimes I just say random stuff. 2 months ago, the In and Out cashier said ‘Have a Good Day’ and I said ‘Thanks, Mommy’.
There’s like sex and then the next thing you know, you’re married and then you get a divorce and then I’m a single mother struggling to have it all.
So, am I looking at a man now?
Mom, Elena’s being mean to me.
Hey, do you guys know pudding can last a year?
This could be her last chance to see a moon.
Max makes her happy, not pudding happy, but happy.
You’re here for a couple of months and then you’re gone for a couple of months? That’s like my dream!
I waited so long to do this.
I’m just glad we’re finally going to do it.
Are you sure you’re ready?
I’m r-r-ready.
Should we just jump off the roof?
Leslie, help me take this top off!
Don’t scare an old man like Leslie like that.
It was not the Cuba that I remembered. Everything was still there, but it wasn’t home anymore. I guess I wanted to walk back into a photograph, but you never can. I realised, wherever we are is home.
She always spoke so highly of Roberto’s zuccini.
Abuelita always says I remind her of you. I get it, you were a good looking man.
You loved me, I know you would have accepted me.

10/10

The Simpsons 31.22

The Simpsons adopt Santa’s Little Helper’s mom.

Dogs love people clothes.
What a waste of 3 digital photos.
It ate my shorts, now that it’s happened, it’s not that funny.
You have difficulty hearing the female voice. Therefore I’ve deputised Bart to speak for me.
You dog sees everyone who’s ever been here.
In aknowledgements she thanks all 101 dalmatinians.
I feel like that Pixar logo.
Let’s see if they have HBO Go.
It’s so great everyone in this family worked out their issues.

7/10

TV Reviews: Greys 17.21. How To Get Away with Murder 6.14. Station 19 3.15. Good Girls 3.04. The Goldbergs 7.22. Riverdale 4.19. 911 3.15. 911 Lone Star 1.09

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Greys 17.21

It’s a good finale, but it’s not Greys good, simply because the final four episodes were cut short by coronavirus. Teddy cheats on Owen for the last time, and Owen overhears it over the phone. De Luca figures out what’s wrong with Richard. He recently had a hip replacement and the cobalt from the new knee has caused an infection. Meredith takes Richard’s blood in less than 2 seconds. Poor Link is taken away from the birth of his child to do an emergency surgery on Richard. Bailey stays with Amelia, and gets behind her just like George did back in season 3 when she was giving birth. Apparently one of the regular characters was supposed to die in the unaired season finale. There were bombs in a nearby hospital in Station 19, so I’m thinking it wasn’t just that one hospital that was targeted. My money is on Avery as the person who was supposed to die. But really it could have also been: Koracick, Owen or Amelia. I would rather sacrifice Avery.

You’re getting married in like two months.
Today.
I love Owen.
And me.
People who smile all the time are clowns and psychopaths.
I am marrying Owen, this was goodbye.

8/10

How To Get Away with Murder 6.14

Laurel’s the witness and Michaela testifies that Annalise and Wes were having an affair. Tegan and Bonnie gush over Annalise. Hannah is found dead.

You’re Annalise damn Keating.
I’m more than competent to represent myself.
I negotiated probation.
She was sleeping with him.
Did you report him to ICE? Is this not your voice?
That’s not me.
Michaela got a better deal.
I’m a bisexual woman.
Number 3 is not liking that.
A camp that never existed.
All this time I thought you were a good person.
Annalise freaking Keating, she’s no one if not a lawyer.
Or you’re just afraid you’ll lose her.
She makes me feel alive.
Why do you think I stayed all this time?
How to Get Away With Murder? Please, How To Ruin Everything.
You don’t say ‘No’ to professor Keating.
Annalise and Wes weren’t sleeping together.
Wes did it on his own.
I’m sorry I lied, Annalise.
Annalise Keating is dead.
I negotiated a new deal.
My brother’s dead.
Why would Frank kill Hannah?

10/10
Station 19 3.15

A junkie holds Ben and Avery hostage. Avery gets shot and the junkie is hit by a car and dies. Karina tries to convice Maya that her father was abusive to her. Maya is so upset she cheats on Karina. We learn Victoria was doing musical theatre until the play’s director died in fire and she met Captain Herrera.

Never apologise for you emotional life.
My grandmother died and my parents just went back to work.
I thought I was safe joggining in the middle of the day. Why would you go running in the dark?
My dad is bipolar 1 and my sweet little brother has inherited it.
If it makes you feel any better, the stabbing victim was a rapist.
Guess I am broken.
Herrera is the reason I became a firefighter.
I just slept with Jack an hour ago, so be mad at that.
I came out to my dad and I quit.

10/10

Good Girls 3.04

Once again, congrats to Good Girls on their renewal! I’m still a few episodes behind, I should catch up next week. Dean is adement he can kill Rio and buys a shotgun. Ruby’s daughter finds her mom’s money and figures out her mom hasn’t made that money legally. Ruby’s daughter steals an expensive pen and ponds it off. Beth shows Rico how she makes fake money and he decides she’s more useful alive.

I need to kill a man.
He reads US Weekly?
In Touch, the lady from next door gave him it.
She can’t be serious, snacks on snacks?
You’re the resident crime lord.
Why is there a shotgun on our bed?
I don’t know what you do, but it doesn’t come from painting nails.
You’re a big time now, you’re a criminal.
Need a hand?
Aren’t you full service?
What do you think?
I think I need you alive.

8.5/10

The Goldbergs 7.22

Beverly walks in on Adam and his girlfriend making out. They disposed off the replacement of his second girlfriend so fast! I didn’t even notice her leave? Was that last season? What happened there? I remember she was all goth-y looking when she replaced the girl from Girl Meets World, but why did her and Adam break up? Was she here more than 2 episodes? Beverly and her friends read Fried Deep Green Tomates. Lanie’s back.

Basement kissing ia s teen rite of passage.
You should be wearing pants,
I was, earlier.
The first marital pleasure?
What is that hanging in the air?
The loss of innocence.
That happened sooner than I thought.
The next time you need kisses so badly, you come to your momma.
Oh balls.
Manly taste and desires.
Why are all my friends into you? You’re built like Winnie the Pooh.
Middle aged man can’t tell children how to love?
I only made 875 dollars last year.
Can you imagine me as an adult, stuck in this town?

8.5/10
Riverdale 4.19

That was the most predictable plot twist the show’s had. Of course they joke, fantasise and write about killing Mr Honey, and then someone actually kills him. What else was gonna happen. The kids get their parents to convince the principal to reinstate prom.

There will be no yearbook this year.
The only thing that would stop Mr Honey is if we killed him.
Killing Mr Honey.
RIP, Mr Honey.
Who else has experience in getting rid of a dead body?
He’s like the Grinch who stole prom.
And what will you do to me?
We’re just muscle.
Don’t mess with us in our own town.
In this town, we’re all monsters, we’re all monsters.
The question is are we going to be monsters in college or in jail?
I am Stonewell Prep’s new headmaster.

9/10

911 3.15

A boy gets stuck in a well and this episode reminded me of The Descent. I love that film so much. Eddie goes down to get the boy out, but the team lifts him too early and he decides to cut the rope that holds him. He’s close to drowning whe he decided to swim and finds his way out.

I’m still alive down here!

4.5/10

911 Lone Star 1.09

Another The Descent reference! Why on Earth would you go exploring random caves. A kid stuck a little racing car up his nose and the father does the same to see how the kid got it up there so far.

You were lucky your brother in law threw you in the pool.
Smell the carpet.

4/10

TV Reviews: How To Get Away with Murder 6.13. SVU 21.20. Riverdale 4.18. Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist 1.10. The Resident 3.20

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Congrats to Good Girls and The Good Fight on being renewed! I’m shocked there’s still no news on The Goldbergs and Schooled being renewed!? And The Resident? And Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist? I’ve still got a few episodes of Good Girls to catch up on.

How To Get Away with Murder 6.13

I don’t think we saw the incest from the past storyline coming. I surely didn’t. In a flashback Sam catches Bonnie and Frank hooking up and tells Frank about Bonnie’s childhood abuse. Annalise realises Sam was so good at understanding exactly what her and Bonnie went through as children, because he was sexually abused himself. We learn Sam and Hannah had a baby and it’s Frank.

Hannah and Sam were desperate for love. So they found it in each other. That’s why they both became psychologists.
I went to the gym for once.
I killed her lover.
Who’s right for her? Beside you?
Bonnie deserves love too.
Your parents left you and Hannah alone in a big house because they didn’t like their kids, that’s not rape.
Her father raped her. It started when she was five. He’d record it, sell it. Her mom knew. They took money from people, sold her.
I’m too tired of holding myself.
It was a gift. Getting us to understand we were just children, that we weren’t to blame. But it was his trauma too. Hannah was older, he might’ve been a boy. But there was no one to tell him that. He could heal others, but he couldn’t heal himself.
None of this makes what he did okay.
I know, but it makes me see him.
You made me me, not him.
Another reason to miss that much school is if you’re pregnant.
Who was born in March, Annalise?
It was Hannah, he was abused.
Who is it?
Frank.

10/10

SVU 21.20

The new cop is bisexual, why couldn’t it have been Olivia? Or Amanda? This episode is a follow up on two cases that the team dealt with earlier in the year. I’m excited to see Elliot Stabler back, but I wish he would just return to SVU, not have his own spin off, but I guess that will have to do. Also, maybe him and Liv can have a do-over and finally get together once and for all. Next to Booth and Bones this has always been my favorite ship. Finn shoots a man dead in front of his little son. This is sadly the season finale. I hope the show is back sooner than 2021.

You invited a 16 year old to a Bachelor Party?
Stay away from teenage girls.
Am I too close to this?
You’ve got two daughters, this will be good practice.
She’s scared her office is gonna find out she’s gay.
You were a judge.
You’re not gonna write her up, are you?
No, but it won’t hurt to let her worry for a couple of days.
She’s a victim on her way to becoming a survivor.
So they believe us? They do.

8/10

Riverdale 4.18

It’s ridiculous how sharp this teen show is when they don’t pretend it’s a musical. I wouldn’t be upset if Betty and Archie hooked up, I don’t care for teen dramas, I’m here for the mysteries. I cannot believe they’re actually doing the 4 year time jump when the show picks up next year? That’s just lazy writing. Remember when Pretty Little Liars did the same and then the show suddenly got extremely boring and every single one of the characters became annoying know-it-alls?

You have your whole life ahead of you.
Oh great the cast of Swamp Thing just got here.
Today I fell in love with the boy next door.
Archie, why are we here?
I love Jughead.
And I love Veronica, but this is nice, right?
I’m just trying to keep my head down and make it out of Riverdale in one piece.
After walking home from school, Little Archie proposed to me. Of course I want to marry Archie, but I know we’re too young, so I told him that he should ask me again when we’re both 18 and in high school.
It’s only by the grace of God they didn’t find and molest my Mumzie.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
As a senior I should probably know this, but does the school have an AV club?
I told you she’s not a voyer.
She made Archie kiss her at school today, she said it’s because they both have red heair, which makes absolutely no sense.
I’ll need two pages. I’d like to pay tribute to JJ.
This is a sex tape of me and my girlfriend.
This is a video of Clifford Blossom shooting his son Jason Blossom. It’s an actual snuff him.
I want out, effective immediately.
It’s a song I wrote for you.
I love Jughead. And you love Veronica, don’t you?
That’s all they are, memories.
Why me, why are they coming after me?
It’s not just you, I have a feeling we’re only the first.

10/10

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist 1.10

Zoey loses it after her dad’s carer gives him a sedative. At the end of the episode the characters dance to I don’t Care, I love it, by Icona Pop.

I’d sleep with Joan.
He’s madly in love with you.
Oh, you’re not Simon Cowell.

3.5/10

The Resident 3.20

I know this season was cut short, but this finale was disappointing. I really don’t care about the cocky doctor. I was hoping we would get rid of him by the end of this season. A woman comes to the ER with a brain infection from an unpopped corn seed stuck in her tooth. The new doctor kills the only person he’s ever loved. The doctors finally realise it’s the unsanitised respirator that’s the cause of the pandemic.

3/10