The Carrie Diaries 1.13

I just loved this season finale, so much, I actually wrote down three pages of quotes. Enjoy!

“There’s a brief moment when you first wake up where you have no memories, a blissful blank slate, a happy emptiness, but it doesn’t last long and you remember exactly where you are and what you are trying to forget.a totally painful,gut-wrenching breakup.”And the worst part–you have no one to be angry at except yourself.Now the only thing I could remember about me and Sebastian was how happy I was. And now I wasn’t.
I’m not exactly sure how to ask this, but, uh… are your parents racist?
That’s why you’ll never catch me at the gym. Working out–not for me. But I’m glad you’re enjoying it.
I always forget people who don’t like the city. They’re just not worth remembering.
You better leave the door open.
So Dorrit’s with someone older than us?
You couldn’t possibly love me as much as I love you. I love you, so much, my heart hurts.
I kinda just wanna get it over with.
Is it because you’re scared it’s gonna hurt?
Maybe. I just keep thinking about it and thinking about it– if it’ll hurt, if I’ll feel
different afterward. I just don’t wanna wonder anymore. I wanna know, even if it’s bad.
It’s not gonna be bad. It might hurt, and maybe you’ll feel different. I don’t know. But… one thing’s for sure– I will like you afterward.
Proms are for getting drunk, getting laid, getting in fights.
Carrie, I’ve seen my mom with lots of “someones.”
It sucks… that nothing ever works out for me. Sucks.
Walt was never gonna love you in any real way. Ever.
Are you… gay? Are you? You’re a homo, aren’t you?
Apparently I didn’t deserve the truth when you wouldn’t have sex with me and you made me feel like crap about myself. You made me feel like something was wrong with me when actually something’s wrong with you. I can’t believe I ever loved you. You make me sick.
All along, I’ve played by my parents’ rules and respected their traditions and for what? To protect the lineage of peasants?
We don’t live in a world where people are that accepting of us. I mean, there’s pockets like New York, but then there’s also places like…Castlebury. Where being honest often means being shunned.
Did your friends from home accept it?
Some did. Some didn’t. My best friend Ritchie acted like I’d lied to him. Like somehow our camping trips growing up had been an excuse for me to get into a tent with him.
So what happened? Are you friends still?
No. He could never see me in the same light again. So be prepared. You know, you’re not just taking on a new future. In a way, you’re also creating a new past.
When my mom died, I didn’t cry…once. I think because, in a way, I’ve been numb ever since. But not tonight. I felt everything. I felt happy– so happy I just couldn’t handle it for a second. But I’m ready…to feel everything.
How hard is it to be happy?
Oh. It’s near to impossible.
Well, people are happy.
Mm, for, like, one second. Blowing out birthday candles. Petting a… panda. Those are moments of joy. But there’s a difference. A good relationship is hard work. Practically slave labor.
Do you think I’m stupid for wanting to be happy with someone?
Oh, an absolute dumbbell.
Look, people… Well, people like us– we’re always restless. So we’re a little bit unhappy.Being with someone doesn’t change that. It just makes it that much more complicated.
Maybe I just want something simple.
Simple is some nice boy who is dull and doesn’t challenge you. I can just see you bored out of your mind in the suburbs. You’d kill yourself. I’d kill you.
But I think I want that. When I imagine my future, I’m married, living in a house with my garden and my kids.
That is not your life, Carrie Bradshaw. That is your mother’s.
Well, there’s nothing wrong with wanting what my parents had.
It is okay to love the things that your parents give you. Treasure them.
But you have to remember that you are not your parents. You are you, Carrie Bradshaw.
But what if me doesn’t end up with a white picket fence and a station wagon?
There are millions of girls out there who will marry a nice boy and drive one of thosestation wagon thingys. But you, you… you will never be satisfied with a man who sits at home and asks you what’s for dinner.
Exactly. You want a man who gets that and gets you.
I’m madly in love with him.
Mad is wonderful!
Hey, I never had a chance. There’s…there’s no money to go to college. I’m attracted to guys who don’t even like me. My own parents don’t even think I’ll amount to anything. I’m probably gonna end up a loser waitress at this loser bar.
You told your parents about me? And? How’d it go?
Well, they’re going to kill me.But I’ll worry about that another day. Tonight…I wanna dance with my boyfriend on prom night.
It’s 7:30 A.M.
In Larissa’s world, the party just began.
Oh! I love this city. We’re coming home from a night of clubbing, and that guy’s just starting his day. There’s room here for everything. It’s pretty amazing to know the city exists for all of us.
You know, we’ve all been through stuff. Hard stuff. Stuff that has made us make choices we might regret. And now you’re going to have to live with that.
We’ve been friends for a long time.
I know. That means something.
Maybe all it means is that it’s been a long time.
What do you want me to say?
That I’m not home.
Letting go of people or traditions is hard because you invest so much in them,
that to let go can be scary.But it can also be liberating…or even essential to your happiness. If you don’t let go,you can find yourself in a dark place….
unable to kick your worst habits. And sometimes, if we truly love someone,we have to be okay with letting go.
Geoffrey Chaucer wrote,”Time heals all wounds.” But what he failed to mention was the scars those wounds leave behind. The painful things that happen to us permanently leave their mark.They don’t necessarily hurt anymore,but they’re always there as a reminder, as a memory. And as time passes,maybe the memory gets a little fuzzy. But we always have the scar to remind us it happened…that we lived through it,that we survived. And maybe I had some scars on me, but I felt like I was now ready to leave my mark on the world.

A truly beautiful episode.