Author Archives: Joanne

Bones 11.01. Bones 11.02. Bones 11.03. Greys 12.03. SVU 17.03. SVU 17.04. Castle 8.03. Downton Abbey 7.03. Grandfathered 1.02. Scream Queens 1.03. Scream Queens 1.04. Scream Queens 1.05. Nashville 4.01. Nashville 4.02. Scandal 5.02. How To Get Away With Murder 2.02. How To Get Away With Murder 2.03. Faking It 2.17. Faking It 2.18. The Simpsons 27.03. The Simpsons 27.04 & Why I’m quitting AHS

30 Friday Oct 2015

Posted by in american horror story, bones, castle, downton abbey, faking it, gilmore girls, grandfathered, greys anatomy, how to get away with murder, Jessica Lange, Kelli Giddish, Lauren Graham, lost, Mariska Hargitay, nashville, scandal, scream queens, special victims unit, the simpsons, the whispers, tv series

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Hi guys, welcome back to liveoffmovies. Fall Season is in its full and I’ve been taking my sweet time not posting my reviews. My bad. I was working two shifts, focusing on an internship, I only yesterday realized, I did not want. Plus I was busy moving to my new house. Now that it’s all mostly done, here are some long overdue reviews. The rest of the episodes (over 30 now!) will be posted later next week, once I do my taxes and figure out how to fill in the new expenses form and buy a washing machine and get everything not working in my new house fixed. Uff listing all of these was tiring enough. Thankfully only half of the shows I watch premiered new episodes this week, and Switched at Birth is already on a break, so I’ll have time to catch up with my posting schedule very soon.

First of, Gilmore Girls is coming back! GG got a revival! First Full House, now Gilmore Girls. Thanks, Netflix. Life is good.

Second of all, The Whispers was cancelled. Now we’ll never know what happened to Claire and the kids.

Thirdly, let’s talk about the new season of AHS and why I’ve decided to quit it. I am a huge horror freak and I have always been, but at the same time I have never been a fan of the vampirism genre. I couldn’t follow Buffy or Charmed, never started True Blood or Vampire Diaries. There are a few vampire films that I have enjoyed, like Nosferatu, The Hunger, Fright Night, The Lost Boys, Dracula, 30 Days of Night, or Stake Island, but not enough to explore the genre any further. Furthermore, I am a huge fan of Jessica Lange, and watching the first two episodes of the series, I kept thinking of who her character would be. What we were most scared of, happened. The show got bad without Jessica. The first four seasons were relatable to some extend, season two, even though, my favorite, the least. There are a few shows that I had to talk myself into watching for a couple of episodes, and then, continued watching, because it would be weird to stop. I have tried watching the first episode of the fifth series twice, and that has barely ever happened before. Pilots are supposed to be the intriguing, or even the best episodes. And finally, to quote my father, I have no time for some mediocre fairytale that does not concern me. Which is why, I say goodbye to American Horror Story, at least till next year.

Bones 11.01

I have been disapointed with Bones for the last couple of seasons, probably since season 7, as nothing new ever happened. I am furious that no one is mourning Booth’s brother, because I still remember when season 4 came out and Jared helped save Booth. I remember season 4 too well, as back then the episodes were pretty spectacular, and now they’re all the same. ‘Booth was beaten as a child’ automatically reminded me of Sweets and the episode when he accidentaly showed B&B his back, and Brennan talked about the foster parents who used to lock her up, and now I’m getting nostalgic over, yet again, season 4. Kim Raver guest stars, I’m not sure she’s done anything else than 24 after Teddy left to Germany on Greys.

Please leave me with the bones.
Booth was beaten as a child.
It’s Booth’s brother.
I have more questions than answers which is unusual.
That one is Booth’s.

7/10

Bones 11.02

Very disapointing. Also, Kim Raver’s character did not bring anything to the storyline. Why hire her then?

That’s Jared in there, my brother.
Bones, I’m okay.
This is who you’re geniuenly are.

4/10

Bones 11.03

Who knows what the case was about. Also, gross, I couldn’t eat and I always eat while watchinhg Bones.

Daddy’s looking for uncle Jared.
You aranged a show for me?
How she got in and out of the crib.

3/10

Greys 12.03

Season 12 is not as good as we wished it t be.

Someone invited you to your ex boyfriend’s wedding? So rude.
I can’t have sex with you.
No.
I really do like her, she makes me the not so crazy sister.
What do you think they’re paying her?
Izzie anted to freeze her eggs.

7/10

SVU 17.04

The cases are disastrous this season. Nothing new. Mariska all breathing heavily after walking up those stairs, very relatable.

Also Detective Rollins, I assume you know she’s pregnant.

4/10

SVU 17.03

The only way I could have been more shocked is if they told us Cragen is the father, instead of Declan. Good case, not told as well as we’d expect from this incredible show.

He could have killed you. You survived.
Then he raped the little girl too?

2.5/10

Castle 8.03

Entertaining, and that’s all we need from this type of show. Who knows who killed the guy though?

Hey bro, you know what frat the dead dude was from.
Dude, you look like you’re 40.
Including sending your daughter to a house of drunken fratboys, dressed like a slutty angel.
Beer pong challenge everybody.

7.5/10

Scream Queens 1.03

It was a hilarious episode, nicely surprised. Also, Texas Chainsaw ladies and gents. I absolutely adore all the ED insults. I have a friend who has quit this show saying it’s dumb, and she continues to watch AHS, while I can’t stand it. Scream Queens is light and fun, and it has Jamie Lee Curtis, and surprisingly well written for this kind of show, and I have actually missed it this week. Life is too stressful not to watch a few light shows.

It could be really anything, bulimia…
Especially when she was tweeting, ‘I’m being killed.’
Bitch is not even cute.
Don’t ask me if I wanna go, hoes.
You started freaking out when I said I wanted to sleep with your corpse.
You have that Samantha Ronson thing going on.
Find that tortured gay kid in your life and hold them close tonight.
Welcome to Film Analysis.
Which I consider to be the best film. Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Are we all running from Chainsaws of our past?
What we do with the hurt of that trauma defines who we are.
A uniform she ripped off from an ice cream stand.
The intesity of thh experience of being haunted by a psychopath has really bonded them.
You and I are moving into kappa house for a week.
My father is Charles Manson.
Bitches gather’ound.
Bitches, I would like you to meet Chanel number 6.
Chanel says I can hold her hair back on purge nights.
What’s insane are your tweets to the executive producer of the hit TV show How To Get Away With Murder.
6 months ago you tweeted @ShondaRhimes If Annalise Keating really wanted to get away with murderm she’d find a partner and work as a team.
I need to sleep with a white noise machine on.
Baboon attack.
I’ll set the machine to slasher movie and we’ll leave it at that.
Didn’t you hear the screaming?
No! I mean, yes, I heard screaming, but that’s because the white noise machine was set to slasher movie.

10/10

Nashville 4.01

Just like I thought, they couldn’t kill Deacon off.

You may not know it now, but this is the best friend you’re gonna have your whole life.
Push her in front of an upcoming traffic, I don’t care.

8/10

Nashville 4.02

Nice to see everyone appreciating Layla’s talent again. I want Jullitte’s old manager to represent her! Just imagine how far she would get with his help. Meanwhile, Will got dropped from Luke’s label for being gay. Do we want him on Highway 65? Yes!

We have a solo gig for you tomorrow night at the Bluebird.
Layla, amazing show, seriously. I was blown away.
I know you have a manager, but should that ever change, I’d like to be your first call.
I’m sorry son, I’m gonna have to drop you from the label.
You’d record my songs yourself?

7/10

Scandal 5.02

Finally something is happening. I absolutely loved the ending. The secret is out.

President is about to get Poped.
For the first time ever, President and his mistress will address the country.
My Casey could make fake photos like that in 15 minutes, she’s very good with computers.
You’ve got an alibi, Huck?
She’s making a statement, fix it.
Mr President, you don’t get to be like anyone else, that’s the job you signed up for.
You leaked these photos.
I get turned on by crime scenes.
Are you the President’s mistress?
Yes.

5.5/10

How to Get Away with Murder 2.02

Femke’s character, reminded me of Shirley Maclaine’s character in The Children’s Hour, I bet it’s gonna be one of my favorite storylines this season. Sadly, they let her go.

You screw up again, you’re gonna be the next dead body in the house.
Please explain the extent of your relationship with Mrs Keating.
If she’d been able to get into Harvard.
If not a tranqualizer.
Researching your next murder?
Let the slut shaming begin.
Always bringing me problems, never solutions.
What I did, it was for you. To take care of you.
I didn’t take care of you. I ruined you.
You needed to be saved from me.
Now go home and don’t kill anyone.
Because a part of me is still in love with you.
I hate how you make me feel, because I can’t have you.
It was good with you. And real. Too real.
But you’re the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.
I’m not saying marry me. Just think about it.

9.5/10

Downton Abbey 7.03

Everyone continues to stress about their job.

I know what a catalogue is.
Typical, 30 years of serving, one wrong move and snap, you’re out on your ear.
I can’t see the future, but then I suppose none of us can.

8/10

Scream Queens 1.04

She’s not dead. She’s haunting the campus with her fatness.
Now Zedae will win because we live in the age of Obama?
When I find a gravestone I like I get turned on and rub one out to it.
Hey, that’s my sister and she’s not a bitch. But I am.
Also not a student.
Zeade should have considered the fact that she was gonna get kidnapped.

5.5/10

Scream Queens 1.05

The Shining and The Silence of the lambs references.

Give me the exact replica of the maze from The Shining.
Apparently, one of them died or something.
Excuse me, it’s not my fault that some old guy died in the 70s.
Excuse me, than who’s fault is it?
My husband was shot in Dallas, you idiot.
Or the human mattress Nancy Reagan.
Dibbs. I’m Nancy Reagan.
You’re a weird psycho lunatic who’s gonna end up in an asylum somewhere staring at the wall.
All smartphones have GPS in the evern when they’re dead.

8/10

Grandfathered 1.02

Grandfathered got a full season and well deserved too. I gave this episode a 10, but now I don’t really see why, oh well.

You were driving and you stopped to write that down?
Let’s sit by the garbage. By the garbage!
Yeah I got it.
So you take a lot of pictures of yourself.
Thank you, it’s se;f expression, gives me a way to be artistic.
I’m gonna make instructional male up videos on youtube.
You follow her?
Since the day I met her. Sounds creepy, I’m fine with that.
Jimmy get in here, I need man to sit on.

10/10

How To Get Away With Murder 2.03

Femke is gone and we’re back to the usual boredom. I couldn’t care less about the siblings this whole season is based around.

What does sex have to do with criminal law?
Everything.
Sexual healing.
Move, find me a pervert.

2/10

Faking It 2.17

This season is ridiculous. Why am I still watching this show? Good thing it’s only 20 minutes.

When did you become such a Pretty Little Liar?
You’re a woman and you’re a gay man, let’s hear you roar.
The bi label is just a step in the coming out process.
Drunken hookup. Curious. Bi. Full blown gay. Elton John.

1.5/10

Faking It 2.18

How come this is the end of their junior year and they’re all so sexually experienced? Even in 90210 there were some virgins junior year.

What’s wrong, already screwed everything with a pulse?
We are more than our scars.
What is she doing?
No clue.
Don’t do this.
Or what?

2/10

The Simpsons 27.03

No one outfats me.

2.5/10

The Simpsons 27.04

Halloweening your house.
I’ll take this to my dad and tell him it’s his new roomate.

4/10

Happy Halloween since I won’t see you till November.

SVU 17.01. SVU 17.02. Castle 8.01. How to Get Away With Murder 2.01. Scream Queens 1.01. Scream Queens 1.02. Switched at Birth 4.12. Switched at Birth 4.13. Faking it 2.11. Faking it 2.12. Faking it 2.13. Faking it 2.14. The Whispers 1.13. Scream 1.10

10 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by in castle, faking it, how to get away with murder, scream, special victims unit, switched at birth, the whispers, tv series

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As promised, here are the missing reviews.

SVU 17.01

SVU is back. Not their best case, but good enough.

You’re suggesting he was able to pass as a woman after 9/11?
He keeps autopsy photos beside his bed?

8.5/10

SVU 17.02

We all know the baby is Nick’s, you don’t have to lie, Amanda.

Usually you’re two steps in front of me.
You’re up for a flight?
Not really.
He gave her a ride, she bled from a papercut.
She had a slightly different scent, like you do.
Being a single mom is not easy.

9/10

Castle 8.01

I like the Alexis/Castle alliance.

You closed four cases?
You and Beckett are magic together.

8.5/10

How to Get Away with Murder 2.01

I love how they show us that a straight woman may fall for a woman without being gay. Annalise isn’t bisexual, she just has a weakness for her ex. I don’t think she’ll be hooking up with any other woman. Can we keep Femke on full time? ‘I’m not gonna know you next year’ describes every shared accomodation leaving ever.  You’re just thrown together by an accident, and you won’t keep in touch with most people you meet. Denying ‘thinking about the one that got away every other day’ is what we all do and have to live with.

I’m not gonna know you next year.
I grew up, I stopped playing the victim.
You’re the one sick enough to do this.
Now that you’ve done it, you’re a monster, just like me.
I’m not sitting here every day crying about how you left me for your therapist.
I lied, I think about you every day.
She’s just about to off us.
You’d get no warning if I was to off you.

6.5/10

Scream Queens 1.01

Cleaning up bulimia vomit.
Everyone is encouraged to dress white, be white.
I’m a candle blogger.
Mr convicted sex offender.
These sorority bitches.
Screaming bloody murder for being objectified, even though they objectify themselves.
Oh Pissy Spacek.

8.5/10

Scream Queens 1.02

Just because you know a guy who was in class with the dead girl’s roommate does not mean that it could’ve been you.
Dean of Murder U.
Like a Friends episode, but someone is tryng to kill all the Friends.
What good are you, we can call yje police ourselves.
Cannibal who cooks his victims.

5.5/10

Switched at Birth 4.12

Travis’s back story.

It’s because that girl got raped in the deaf dorm.
Standing up to your attacker like that.
I get what you’re going through. I do . Something happened to me.
It happens to a lot of deaf kids.
It was a family friend, a long time ago.
I don’t think any differently of you.
Something similar happened to her.
Definitely, Have her email me

7/10

Switched at Birth 4.13

I don’t think Toby is ready for this, two years ago he was still in high school and he hasn’t grown up since then.

John, walk into the 21st century.

3.5/10

Faking It 1.11

It will be like sisterhood of travelling pants.

2/10

Faking it 2.12

3/10

Faking it 2.13

Weaker and weaker every week.

1.5/10

Faking It 2.14

Oh so terrible.

0.5/10

The Whispers 1.13

Apparently I haven’t posted my review of The Whipsers’ finale. I was nicely surprised and I am awfully sad that we won’t probably see it next year. Claire was taken by Drew and I’m not okay with never finding out how it works out.

They’re not here for our planet, they’re here for our children

8.5/10

Scream 1.10

Rest in peace, Wes Craven. You will always remain one of my biggest insirations and influences.

Bad luck had it that Pretty Little Liars just went with the transgender storyline a week earlier.

You’re the survivor girl, which makes me the know it all sidekick. Oh crap, I’m gonna die.
I do not vote in favor of splitting up. Nor am I retiring in 3 days. And I will not be right back.
They always come back.
And survival girl at the back of the ambulance.
And survivor of the Lakewood slasher massacre.

10/10

Greys 12.01. Greys 12.02. SVU 17.03. Downton Abbey 7.01. Downton Abbey 7.02. The Good Wife 7.01. Castle 8.02. Scandal 5.01. Grandfathered 1.01. Switched at Birth 4.14. Switched at Birth 4.15. Switched at Birth 4.16. Switched at Birth 4.17. The Leftovers 2.01. The Simpsons 27.01. The Simpsons 27.02. Faking It 2.15. Faking It 2.16

02 Friday Oct 2015

Posted by in downton abbey, Ellen Pompeo, faking it, grandfathered, greys anatomy, revenge, scandal, special victims unit, switched at birth, the good wife, the simpsons, tv series

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How are we enjoying the fall season? Are you as disappointed as I am? I actually caught myself wondering what’s happening on Revenge two sundays ago, and then I realized nothing. Nothing is ever going to happen on Revenge, as after an awful season 4, we won’t see what Victoria Grayson is doing, and I am not fine with that. Now back to the post, episodes missing, like the two hour premiere of SVU, HTGAWM, Bones, Nashville, Scream Queens etc. will be posted in a separate post tomorrow. All those premiered this week will be posted next week, as I didn’t want this note to be too long. I started watching The Grinder, but after two episodes, I can honestly say, It’s not for me.

Greys 12.01

What a disappointment. I am looking forward to what my favorite show has to offer this year and please let it be something better than this pile off bullshit.

2/10

Greys 12.02

Thankfully, the dull season opener was only that, a mistake that hopefully will never happen again. Meredith, Amelia, Alex and Maggie carpooling, doesn’t get any cuter and PG than that. Alex should have just rented a place not buy one, preferably in a better neighboorhood, like I finally did. Yes, no more loud and lousy flatmates for me. Remember when Bailey was the Nazi in season 1 and everyone was so little? I will always associate Greys with my teen years and I love that It’s one of the shows that’s built and raised me. How will Mer adjust being chief of general surgery with being a single mother of three?

Your neighboors seem nice.
This place is ran by ladies.They called Bailey the Nazi.
All she does is talk to me or at me.
I understand why Amelia suggested her. Edwards gets things done.
I deserve more.
I need a me and I believe that you can be a me.
I would like to apoint you chief of general surgery.
You are the calm in the centre of the chaos, you have been since I met you.

9.5/10

SVU 17.03

Could have been better, but didn’t we all love how supportive the teen trans’s parents were?

Boy dresses as a girl that makes it a special victims case.
The freak needs to learn a lesson look.
No transgender child should ever be singled out or hurt.

4.5/10

Downton Abbey 7.01

I can’t explain how how it will be to say goodbye to this show. The first episode focuses around the very awkward but fun sex talk between Carlson, Miss Hughes and Miss Pattmore; and everyone panicking about upcoming stuff cuts.

You could have rang for her yourself.
Tell her this, in my eyes, she’s beautiful.
I love her Miss Pattmore.
I’m bursting with pride that she would agree to be my wife.
You’ve clearly had a bad dream and confusing it with reality.
20 year time a house like this won’t be standing if it isn’t an institution.

10/10

Downton Abbey 7.02

For all I know I’d have to cook and do the garden.
You’ve worked here boy and man, if you don’t deserve to be married here, than no one does.

5.5/10

The Good Wife 7.01

How could Peter fire Eli, he’s the biggest asset of the show. Fortunately, Alicia won’t let him disappear into thin air. For a kid in college, Grace certainly has a lot of free time to play Alicia’s assistant all day long. Canning and Florrick is what I’ve been waiting for the whole summer.

Alicia Florrick, attorney at law.
Who is it?
No one, I’m calling myself.
You just lost your greatest assett and made your worst enemy.
Now you’re just making these jobs up.
She can’t inherit it.

10/10

Castle 8.02

This show is so not going in the direction I want it to go.

Did you guys get lost or did you purposely wait until the last possible minute to show up.
Please don’t tell me that son of a bitch was right.

2.5/10

Scandal 5.01

This season will be a drag.

I am not sick!
I can’t go home until you fix me.
Olivia Pope is in President’s bed, which means she’s up in our business.

1.5/10

Grandfathered 1.01

When Wouldn’t it be Nice starts playing. And Bob Saget saying ‘you don’t want that do you? when the screaming child passes him. This show is gonna give me mayor Full House feels and that’s what has kept me going the last few months. What a great pilot.

I’m sorry we don’t allow children.
Am I right Victor? White Victor?
What if I were gay and I met him at a bar?
I came across a buzzfeed list called 28 reasons why having a dad is the best and by number 12 I was crying so hard I was dehadrated.
It appears that you only own one set of clothing.
Saves you mental energy to focus on work.
I’m currently unemployed.
This scene is ridiculous anyway, running through traffic is more dangerous than the fall was. Just call an ambulance, dummy.
We were here, we’re here.
You carry an old photo of yourself?
Take a picture. Not of yourself, us.
You don’t want one of those do you.
Why do you have a meat thermometer in her butt?
People are meat.
You look a little young to be a doctor, could you get someone older, Asian if you got it.
Parenthood is pretty much an endless string of moments when you think you killed your kid.
It’s not dyed, it’s colored.
Have you had botox.
Yes, but not on my face.
Gerald’s dad is such a Clooney.
Ponyboy and Sushi.

10/10

Switched at Birth 4.14

To Angelo.

2.5/10

Switched at Birth 4.15

Nice Frida Kahlo lesson, I’m impressed, SAB. Should have mentioned her communistic views just to really shed a light on who she was as person. My Birthday falls on the tragic bus accident’s anniversary, among different unflattering events. A lovely episode, despite the Emmett drama, can’t they just stop showing him? No one cares how great he’s doing in LA.

And one of the unhappiest.
He slept with her sister.
The jealousy, the obsession it destroyed her.

5/10

Switched at Birth 4.16

I see what SAB writers wanted to do here, but it’s not okay to have sex with someone’s body while they’re passed out. He deserved to have his life ruined just like any other guy who thinks so does.

Then she googled me.
Doesn’t mean our lives are over.
Everytime someone googles me the word rape comes up.
He’s a good person who made a mistake.

3/10

Switched at Birth 4.17

Bay asking herself questions every artist does.

What if she’s the best thing that I’ll ever do?
It’s been 4 years since I’ve created her. I haven’t come up with anything half as good since.
You’ll never run out of amazing ideas. You’re just beginning.
I think I’m gonna stay here, figure out my next idea.
4.5/10

The Leftovers 2.01

Getting weird and did we really need so many new characters? Why were the girls running in the woods naked? Where the heck is Amy Brenneman? We’ll see what the second season brings. Teenage girls running naked in the woods while all the water from the lake has dried up is an interesing Lost-like mystery I wanna uncover.

Miracle Town, Departures : 0.
Is she adopted or did your mom fuck a black dude?
Dad, the water is gone.

4.5/10

The Simpsons 27.01

Scary threat of a breakup of the couple we’ve been following for 27 years, fortunately, it was all a dream. Yet oh so funny.

That’s just to remind me where I parked.
There’s a spider in my room.
Narcolepsy.
There’s four old people before me.
All my problems are my parents’ fault.
Smithers come up from my rear and grab me.
Marge has changed her status to it’s complicated.
Simpson, where are your shoes.
Narcolepsy.
I’m just a lonely man with a bag full of drugs.
Those are strechmarks young lady, I’ve had three children.
Doesn’t look like she uses that much shampoo either.
Sleeping through our theraphy session.

8/10

The Simpsons 17.02

The Gilbert family has learnt a valuable lesson. Srew everything.
Buddism is really just quitting in yoga pants.

3.5/10

Faking It 2.15

I honestly don’t know why I am still watching this show. Every week the episodes get worse and worse. And it’s not like Amy and Karma are gonna end up together. For all we know Amy may end up with a guy. Second half of season two is too slutty and just too, well, straight. Why does every show need to have a The Breakfast Club kind of episode? I know it’s one of the ten best teen films, but this was not a tribute.

No snapchatting your genitalias.
You can’t keep eating yourself up.
Come on give me

1.5/10

Faking It 2.16

I am proud of my intersex daughter.

3/10

Driving Miss Daisy. Bad Santa. The Pacifier. Apollo 13. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2. Because I said so. Kon-Tiki. The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. The Clearing. Sweet November. Plots with a View. Lucky 13.

10 Thursday Sep 2015

Posted by in Lauren Graham, movies, Naomi Watts

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Very quick reviews, as I owe you so many of them.

Driving Miss Daisy

A magical experience, everyone needs to encounter.

10/10

Bad Santa

Hands down the best Christmas film. Very dirty. My kind of humor.

I’m on my fucking lunch break, okay!?

8/10

The Pacifier

Cute kids films I’ve seen when it came out.

6.5/10

Apollo 13

A great film, yet lacking something.

9/10

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

A girly film I have always had on dvd, yet always pushed it away. You know middle school, whatever girly, may kill you. My mom liked it much more than I did.

5/10

The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2

Worse than the first one, my mom still liked it more than anything else.

4/10

Because I said so

The last scene with the cake falling on the pedestrian’s head is worth seeing the whole film.

3/10

Kon-Tiki

The scenery is everything in this film.

7/10

The Hand that Rocks the Cradle

Surprisingly well done.

8/10

The Clearing

Average.

6/10

Sweet November

What a mess.

3/10

Plots with a View

Funny, very British in a good way.

5/10

Lucky 13

If this was supposed to be sweet, it was not.

1.5/10

Little Miss Sunshine. This is Where I Leave You. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The Myth of the Fingerprints. Titus. The Assault. My Sister’s Keeper. Evan Almighty. Violet & Daisy. Annabelle. The Purge 2 : Anarchy. Deliver Us from Evil. Poat Grad. Mr Woodcock.

28 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by in Julianne Moore, movies

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Some of the films I’ve seen last year and never got around to review.

Little Miss Sunshine

An incredible drama that will make you laugh and want to buy a yellow mini bus, just so you can push it and jump into it all the time. Isn’t it always that we keep on hearing about our biggest enemy’s success over and over just when we’re most fragile? Who would have guessed the dance Olive and grandpa were preparing was actually astriptease? Every seen will make you feel like you’re a part of something really special, like you’re a better person just by experiencing their journey. Reading taglines is one of my favorite things, and taglines for this film were quite unusual: ‘Welcome to hell.’, a line from the film that can be read Welcome to the family, ‘Where’s Olive?’, as they lose her at the gas station, ‘A family on the verge of a breakdown’, self explainatory, ‘Everyone just pretend to be normal’, a line from the film almost all families can relate to. I think I haven’t seen it, because it was advertised as a comedy, and I wish I have given it a try years ago.

I hate everyone.
What about your family?
Everyone.

Why did you try and kill yourself?
I tried to kill myself because I was very unhappy.
Why were you unhappy?
There were a lot of reasons, mainly though I fell in love with someone who didn’t love me back.
 So that’s when you tried to…
Well, no, you see that was okay, except he went and fell in love with a colleague of mine: Larry Sugarman.
Who’s Larry Sugarman?
He’s the second highest regarded expert on Marcel Proust in the US.
Oh. Who’s number one?
That would be me, Richard.
Please don’t kill yourself tonight.
Not on your watch; I wouldn’t do that to you.
Grandpa?
Yeah?
I don’t wanna be a loser.
You’re not a loser. Where’d you get the idea you’re a loser?
Because… Daddy hates losers.
Whoa whoa whoa, back up a minute. D’you know what a loser is? A real loser is someone who’s so afraid of not winning, they don’t even try. Now you’re trying, right?
Yeah?
Well then you’re not a loser!
Mom? Dad?
What is it, hon?
Grandpa won’t wake up.
It’s an A. See? Right there?
It’s bright green. Dwayne, I think you might be colorblind. You can’t fly jets if you’re colorblind.
FUCK!
What happened?
He’s colorblind. He can’t fly.

Aww, that’s so sweet, and where’s your d now?
In the trunk of our car.

Okay. Everybody just pretend to be normal, okay?

I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all of this, high school, everything
Do you know who Marcel Proust is? French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he’s also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he, uh, he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18– ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school– those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that. “

You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work… Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.

Okay, you’re out. On the condition that you never enter your daughter in a beauty pageant in the state of California, ever again… ever.
I think we can live with that.

10/10

This is Where I Leave You

Funny, until the very forced and unnecessary ‘mom is a lesbian’ storyline.

6.5/10

The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Not as good as Now and Then, and a little better that The First Wives Club. Womenly and good, not even close to Steel Magnolias. The older generation made this film, Maggie Smith’s character is my favorite.

7/10

The Myth of the Fingerprints

The best Bart Freundlich’s picture so far. I honestly don’t like his other productions, other than the child film starring Kristen Stewart and Max Thierot, Catch that Kid, and I’ve seen all motion films he’s done, and The Myth is a highlight of his career. I will never understand why everyone needs to screw while all their family mememers are at home, or why does Julianne Moore’s character has screw the guy on the train, but other than that it’s an intriguing drama.

6.5/10

Titus

An extraordinary adaptation of one of the most maddening Shakespeare’s plays. Alan Cumming simply is Titus. I adore how you can feel how that it’s a play, as the producers don’t try to hide it, and you witness that empowering stage feeling. An absolute opposite of what Jessica Lange has done till that point. Even though Sybil was a strong character too, and some of her lastest roles are also similarly empowering, see American Horror Story.

7/10

The Assault

Simply good. I watch every single rape/sexual assault film, and this is 2014’s take on the case we’ve all heard off. It is a little far-fetched and lifetime-y, but as a whole, it’s a must see.

6/10

My Sister’s Keeper

A little better that I expected, and sad, but not good enough.

5.5/10

Evan Almighty

Funny film for kids of all age. I did not expect that catastrophic scene, and was disapointed when no one got hurt. It’s a kids movie, what’d you expect?

6/10

Violet & Daisy

Refreshing, covers the reaction of men to women in power very well. The scene where the younger assassin is being explained that the older one was gang raped just so she knows where her place is and Alexis Bledel’s character cries behind the dumpster is the most imporstants

4.5/10

Annabelle

I love doll/puppet horror films. Anything from those Goosebumps episodes that feature the puppet, through Chucky to Annabelle. I saw this film called Robert and I need to see it later this week.

6/10

The Purge 2 : Anarchy

A huge disapointment, the first one was such a masterpiece.

4/10

Deliver Us from Evil

Very mediocre.

2.5/10

Post Grad

So she gave up on her dreams to be with the guy, great, romantic comedies always make so much sense.

2/10

Mr Woodcock

One of the biggest disapointments in a long time. Thornton and Sarandon and such bullshit?

1.5/10

The Whispers 1.09. The Whispers 1.10. The Whispers 1.11. The Whispers 1.12. Scream 1.06. Scream 1.07. Scream 1.08. Scream 1.09. Switched at Birth 4.11. Pretty Little Liars 6.08. Pretty Little Liars 6.09

28 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by in pretty little liars, scream, switched at birth, the whispers, tv series

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Here are the last tv reviews for the summer 2015. I know I promised to cover all the remaining films I watched the last 10 months, but I’m going on a holiday, and I’m simply too busy…rewatching Full House again. Don’t worry I will be back in September and I promise to continue covering films as well as tv series.

The Whispers 1.09

Possibly the best episode of the series.

After this, you’ll never be innocent again.
After he’s taken a child.

9/10

The Whispers 1.10

Nina got electrocuted.

3.5/10

The Whispers 1.11

5.5/10

The Whispers 1.12

I am upset about the possible series finale next week, I spent the whole summer watching this show, I got used to it.

I can’t think of the words right now.
Tell me she’s dead.
What’s the president daughter’s code?
The broadcast. It’s a live feed.
This is how he’s gonna do it.
She’s gonna send the signal.

3/10

Scream 1.06

Nice resting creep face.
I always thought my best friend is capable of murder.
4.5/10

Scream 1.07

Let’s split.
Said no one who survived a horror movie.It’s so quiet.
Yeah, until all the screaming and running starts.
Creepy music, I knew this was missing something.
Cue for reunion montage.
I think it’s finally time to get netflix.
Can we go back and shoot a modern Blair Witch?
I suggest you run.

8/10

Scream 1.08

And you wanted to see how Girl Interrupted am I?
His class is one stop victim shopping.
If he’s killing off The Breakfast Club, the only person left is a weird dark girl who only wears black.
Are you still up?
Always.
Holy Dexter’s air conditioner.

5.5/10

Scream 1.09

Your mom was Daisy.
Brandon’s son.
Seth.
Nina and Kieran.
I was gonna be the Babadook.
And she pointed out Kieran.
Save the Sheriff.

3/10

Switched at Birth 4.11

Switched at Birth is back, I knew the summer was missing something. We liked Bay’s scary daydream sequences, but all the other storylines did not hold together. I love how casual Vanessa looks here at the beginning of the episode, and the scene when she confronts herself was one of the best this show has offered. I really hoped it would be of of the switches who got pregnant.

We’ll apply to art school again.
Is it Tobys?
Wanted for kidnapping.
I’m a trainwreck.
Do not go to that party.
Don’t you get it, it was never about Tank.
I just have to go back to this night and change it.
And you have to know that you’ll be okay. We will.
The baby has Down Syndrome.

4/10

Pretty Little Liars 6.08

9/10

Pretty Little Liars 6.096
And they went with the transgender version of the story, as they got so deep into their traps this was the only way out. I know Cece was supposed to be A back from episode 3, but I really hoped it wouldn’t be that easy.

10/10

The Help. Everybody’s All American. The Babadook. Take Shelter. Night and the City. The Guilt Trip. Before I Go to Sleep. If I Stay. As Above, So Below. Snakes on a Plane. Ouija. Horrible Bosses. Into the Storm. The Turning. Stage Fright.

16 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by in Jessica Lange, movies

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These are some of the films I’ve seen last year but never got around to reviewing them. I will have a lot more time to review films these next three weeks. I will post every day.

The Help

Don’t we just love these Far From Heaven types of stories of  kindness and change? The Help is a beautiful film, featuring an unbelievably fragile and moving performance by Jessica Chastain, my favorite role of hers even after the Oscar winning Zero Dark Thirty. One of my absolute favorite films of 2011.

I hope you write something good. Something you believe in.

You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

Eat my shit.

I may have trouble remembering my own name, or what country I live in, but there are two things I can’t seem to forget: that my own daughter threw me into a nursing home, and that she ate Minny’s shit.

Every day you’re not dead in the ground, when you wake up in the morning, you’re gonna have to make some decisions. Got to ask yourself this question: “Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today?” You hear me? “Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today? You hear me today?” All right? As for your mama, she didn’t pick her life. It picked her. But you, you’re gonna do something big with yours. You wait and see.

You know Hilly, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve been eating too much *pie*.

Maybe we should just build you a bathroom outside, Hilly.

We done been over this, Miss Celia. You’re supposed to eat in the dining room, that’s how it works. Here, let me take your plate back.
I’m fine right here, Minny.

I specifically said, “Drop old *coats* at my house”, not *commodes*!

Miss Leefolt got so much hairspray on her head, she gonna blow us all up if she light a cigarette.

You have a job here for the rest of your life. If you want it.

Isn’t that what all you girls from Ole Miss major in – professional husband hunting?

God says we need to love our enemies. It hard to do. But it can start by telling the truth. No one had ever asked me what it feel like to be me. Once I told the truth about that, I felt free. And I got to thinking about all the people I know. And the things I seen and done. My boy Trelaw always said we gonna have a writer in the family one day. I guess it’s gonna be me.

10/10

Everybody’s All American

What an underrated title. If only life was this easy and having a relationship and being a stayed at home mom and wife was enough for women of the 21st century. Jessica Lange portrays an All-American girl oh so perfectly.

8/10

The Babadook

Falsely advertised as a horror film, is in fact a breathtaking psychological drama. If you’re familiar with current Aussie films and tv series, you recognise Essie Davis, who proves what we already know, what a marvellously compelling actress she is. It’s one of those films you wish you could relive again. I have already recommended it to everyone I know, as it’s a awe-inspiring experience.

If it’s in a word. Or it’s in a look. You can’t get rid of The Babadook.

10/10

Take Shelter

A beautiful story that does not come around so often, beautiful scenery too.

I still take off my boots not to wake her.
I still whisper.

8/10

Night and the City

I haven’t seen the 1950’s version, so I cannot assess the plot, but despite Robert De Niro and Jessica Lange starring in it, it was not my kind of movie.

6/10

The Guilt Trip

There were a few fun scenes, especially the one when Barbara Streisand’s character tells her son to never take a hitchhiker as they may rape them. But the bloopers were funnier than the whole movie. I wish Barbara made more films these days, I’m okay even if all of them are comedies.

Now drink your fucking water before you drop dead from dehydration.

Promise me you’ll never pick up a hitchhiker.
I promise.
Good. They rape.

4.5/10

Before I Go to Sleep

Sadly, very disapointed with this one. Nicole’s bloodshot eyes are a special artribute of this film and it’s secret weapon.

5/10

If I Stay

I have to admitt, I only watched it for Mireille Enos, but it turned out to be slightly better than I expected. I haven’t read the book, so It was surprising to see how many people died in that accident, as I expected it to be more teen based and family friendly.

Life is this big fat gigantic stinking  mess, but that’s the beauty of it too.

Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

4.5/10

As Above, So Below

The main character is us unlikable as it gets, but the film itself meets all the horror requirements, not quite as well as The Pyramid does, but similar.

6/10

Snakes on a Plane

What’s with the big hate against this one? Wasn’t it fun when everyone got bitten? People who don’t like horror shouldn’t watch horrors, not complain about them. It was FUN, that’s what matters.

4/10

Ouija

What a misunderstanding. And there’s gonna be a second part. And Annalise Basso, the little girl from Oculus and Stand Up is gonna play the lead.

3/10

Horrible Bosses

Oversexed and not that funny. No one will ever convince me to see the sequel.

2/10

The Turning

Some stories better than others, easily forgotten as a whole.

6.5/10

Into the Storm

Suprisingly barable. A must for everyone who loves cathastophic genre.

4.5/10

Stage Fright

An absoute misunderstaning, one of the worst films I’ve seen.

0.5/10

Now And Then. The Manchurian Candidate. The Proposition. The Maze Runner. Child’s Play 3. The Dorm

14 Friday Aug 2015

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I am thinking of setting a YouTube channel for this page. I’m thinking, short reviews and what’s leaving and coming to Netflix and is worth watching, weekly shows reviews, etc. If you like this idea, let me know.

Now And Then

Don’t judge Marlene I King by Pretty Little Liars or Ravenswood. Even though she just pulled a major twist with A being transgender. Watch this and be stunned. A beautiful story of four girls from a small town. It can be best described as Steel Magnolias for pre-teens. It’s not the first time I had the pleasure of watching this film. And it does not get any worse. It’s a better version of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. The scene of the main character being stuck in the sewer during the storm will never be erased from my memory. I’m a sucker for the Crazy Pete storyline, and not the back story itself, just his type of character, a lonely, practically homeless and crazy person everyone is scared of turning out to be a regular loving person. Shame Thora Birch disappeared from screen, and that Christina Ricci’s career slowly lost speed too.

‘Thomas Wolfe once said you can’t go home again. Well, that’s great for old Tom. But he wasn’t a chick who made a pact with her friends when she was twelve to get together whenever any one of them needed each other. So here I am driving back to my childhood home in Indiana a place I can tell you I never wanted to see again.’

‘I don’t want to see a lot of people, I don’t think they want to see a lot of me.’

‘Teeny’s parents were country-clubbers that were never around – typical upbringing for actors and pathological liars.’

‘It’s normal for things to be shitty.’

‘I say we make a pact. Here and now. We’re here for each other, always, no matter what happens in life. If Teeny goes off to Hollywood or I marry a rich doctor, we remember this day and this pact. Whenever we need a friend, we’re here for each other. We can count on it. Always. No matter what.’

‘When you’re 12, without effort, you live in the moment. You don’t regret the past or worry about the future, and in that moment, Teeny filled my heart with hope and comfort.‘

‘Well Samantha… Things will happen in your life that you can’t stop… But that’s no reason to shut out the world… There’s a purpose for the good and for the bad.
He gave me the only gift he could… The lesson that had taken him a lifetime to learn… And although I understood the importance of his words… It’s only now looking back that I understand their meaning.’

‘He said something that didn’t mean as much then as it does now… He told me that things happen in life that you can’t stop but it wasn’t a reason to shut out the world...Wow… I realize that… I’ve been so afraid of the bad things that um… That I’ve missed out on the good... You know I didn’t wanna come back here… But I’m really glad I did… I’d forgotten how much it helped to have you guys as friends… I’m really lucky to have this place… and each other…’

‘We all used to try so hard to fit in. We wanted to look exactly alike, do all the same things, practically be the same person, but when we weren’t looking that all changed. The tree house was supposed to bring us more independence, but what the summer actually brought was independence from each other.’

‘You can run from the dissapointments you’re trying to forget. But its only when you embrace your past that you truly move forward. Maybe Thomas Wolfe never got to go home again, but I found my way there. And I’m glad I did.’

8/10

The Manchurian Candidate

A modern version of the 1962 Academy Award nominated film, unfortunately, this one as opposed to the Frank Sinatra one, does not make much sense. The storyline does not work as well with Gulf War, as it did post Korean War. I cannot really judge the ridiculous plot, as the original one was a little ahead of its time, but I’ve found the remake vexatious. The film had Meryl Streep, Jon Voight, Liev Schreiber and Vera Farmiga and fell short of the required standard you’d expect from a film with this cast. I can’t begin to understand why would anyone took part in this fairytale, but Meryl doesn’t dissapoint, the role feels somewhat similar to her Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady.

‘Where there casualties?’
‘There’re always casualties in war, sir.’

5/10

The Proposition

A lovely drama on not so lovely topic. I care about Madeleine’s 90s films so deeply. I hope she doesn’t go back to her retirement and continues acting after Revenge.

‘I began to know God through Eleanor. It was she who taught me faith.’

7/10

Maze Runner

I try not to follow teen trends, but the trailer for this one intrigued me. Almost as good as The Hunger Games, but without the vital communist system. I have not read the books, nor will I, but I will probably see the second one.

‘Wicked is good.’

‘I think it’s safe to say the Maze Trials were a complete success. I wasn’t expecting so many survivors, but the more the merrier. Thomas continues to surprise and impress. And for now, they seem to have taken the bait. It’s too soon to say, but they could be the key to everything. So let’s move forward. It’s time now to begin Phase Two.’

6/10

Child’s play 3

Without a doubt, the weakest part of the series. Why did they have to flash forward so much, when only one year passed? It was hard to stay focused as the plot simply falls apart. It was the only part that I haven’t seen and honestly, it should have stayed that way.

‘Who the fuck are you?’
 ‘I thought you Good Guy Dolls only said three sentences.’
‘I’m new and improved.’

‘Don’t fuck with the Chuck.’

2/10

The Dorm

I watched it for Cassie Steele, I would not have even known about the film if it wasn’t, again, for Netflix. The film was very painful and highly displeasing. The audience does not know what they are facing till the very end. And they could not be more disappointed with the result.

3/10