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Tag Archives: horror

Film Reviews: The Favourite. The Killing of A Sacred Deer. Rocketman. Wild Rose. Captain Marvel. The Curse of La Llorona. Greta. Freddy and Jason. The Silence. Wonder Park. Unicorn Store. I Think We’re Alone Now. The Hustle. Polaroid

22 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by Joanne in movies, Rachel Weisz

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animation, captain marvel, cinema, elton john, film, film reviews, films, freddy and jason, goosebumps, greta, hatfield, hatfield house, horror, i think we're alone now, isabelle huppert, movie, movie reviews, movies, netflix, nicole kidman, olivia coleman, polaroid, quotes, Rachel Weisz, reviews, rl stine, rocketman, the curse of la llorona, the favourite, the hustle, the killing of a sacred deer, the silence, think we're alone now, unicorn store, wild rose, wonder park, yorgos lanthimos

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The Favourite

Hatfield House, where The Favourite was filmed has 9 of Sandy Powell’s costumes on display at the moment. You can walk into 9 rooms, including 3 rooms that were used in the film. You can take pictures in Anne’s bedroom, Sarah’s room also known as The Library, and the room where Rachel Weisz and Nicholas Hoult have that staredown in the beginning of the film. You can also walk through The Gallery, better known as the corridor with the gold ceiling where Rachel Weisz pushed Olivia Coleman’s wheelchair after the party. It’s 18 quid and I couldn’t recommend it more! I drove there on Sunday and loved every minute of it. If you’re in the UK, go check it out. Costumes are on display till the 16th of June.

10/10

The Killing of A Sacred Deer

Yorgos’s modern take on Sophie’s Choice. The truly shocking thing about this film is that the mother didn’t offer to sacrifice her life to save either of her two children. What’s worse, she tried to convince the husband they can replace one and just have another.

9/10

Rocketman

I’ve never been Elton’s fan, but after watching this biopic, I can certainly relate to his anger. If you’re in the UK, go see it at Odeon to get an A3 poster with your ticket.

‘Now for my newest trick, I’m gonna fucking kill myself.’

8/10

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Wild Rose

A beautiful story and a shuttering wake up call for everyone, includng myself, who thinks the grass is greener in the US. I’m off to download this wonderful soundtrack.

8/10

Captain Marvel

I’m not a Marvel fan, but this film is more ‘human’ than other superhero films in the Marvel universe, and it has Brie Larson as the lead, so I had to enjoy it. The film also has an interesting soundtrack, including Nirvana’s ‘Come as You Are’.

7/10

The Curse of La Llorona

2019 is the revival of Linda Cardellini’s career. She’s been in Green Book, La Llorona, Avengers and her new Netflix show came out yesterday. I didn’t realise Llorona was part of The Conjuring universe before going in. The script isn’t strong, but the film has a lot of cheap thrills that surprisingly work. The girls in my row where jumping and screaming every time. This is the 200th film I watched this year.

6/10

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Greta

Carrie 2 anyone? Isabelle locking Chloe in that room gave me major Carrie vibes. And what’s with this description? You’re calling Isabelle elderly, Letterboxd? Unnecessarily loud and jumpy music during non-scary scenes sort of ruined the film for me and maybe the fact that the film itself wasn’t scary at all.

‘That little French woman you came with?’

6/10

Freddy and Jason

So we’ve established once and for all that Nightmare on Elm Street is better than Friday the 13th? Good.

6/10

The Silence

It’s a watered down combination of last year’s A Quiet Place and Birdbox, and basically every post apocalyptic horror ever made.

5/10

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Wonder Park

There definitely should be a ‘Don’t do this at home’ warning for kids, as that backyard rollercoaster ride got out of hand real quick. Heck, kids shouldn’t handle nails and I know this is a family film, but no kid can build a rollercoaster without an engineer’s help. Despite all that, there was a sad storyline, the characters and animation were cute and I have always loved amusement parks, so I cannot give Wonder Park less than 2.5 stars, which it probably deserves.

5/10

Unicorn Store

I didn’t like the film and it’s wacko unicorn business, but I do love this poster, the opening scene where the main character paints and Joan Cusack.

5/10

I Think We’re Alone Now

Disappointed that ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ by Tiffany didn’t play once.

4/10

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The Hustle

Is this supposed to be a Dirty Rotten Scoundrels remake or a sequel to Ocean’s 8? Either way, it was a disastrous attempt. Also, Anne Hathaway’s British sounding, rich bitch role was clearly written for Rose Byrne. This is another poor career choice on Anne’s part.

3/10

Polaroid

Nicked straight from RL Stine’s brilliant ‘Say Cheese and Die!’ series of Goosebumps books. It’s the exact same, but extremely boring. RL Stine should sue them too.

2/10

 

 

 

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Film Reviews: Jackie. Maniac. The Butterfly Effect. Halloween. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. A Family Divided. Christiane F. Strangled. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

24 Sunday Mar 2019

Posted by Joanne in movies, Sally Field

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a family divided, adventures in public school, ashton kutcher, christian f, cinema, emma stone, fantastic beasts the crimes of grindelwald, film, film analysis, film review, film reviews, films, halloween, horror, horror film, horror review, jackie, jamie lee curtis, john carpenter, johnny depp, kids from the zoo station, maniac, movies, natalie portman, netflix, nutcracker and the four realms, ralph breaks the internet, reviews, Sally Field, strangled, the butterfly effect, wreck-it ralph

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Jackie

This is the 550th new film I watched this year, and I’m really happy it’s this one. Natalie Portman gave a great performance in this aftermath after John Kennedy’s shooting. She sounded very much like Jackie. Emma Stone really snatched that Oscar from her. The shooting scene was very life-like and may be not be for those with a weak stomach.

4/10

Maniac

Speaking of Emma Stone, here’s a Netflix original series she starred it. It also stars Jonah Hill and the girl from Ozark. I watched it for Sally Field. Sad to report I hated every single one of those alternative universes. And all this nonsense for such a ‘normal’ conclusion? Someone once told me I sound just like Jonah Hill, but I don’t see it? My accent does sound American, thanks to 20 years of watching American films and TV Shows, but I don’t think I sound like him. Congrats to Jonah on his massive weight loss. I know how hard it is to change your lifestyle and never look back. I am currently too scared of loose skin to actually lose the weight.

4/10

The Butterfly Effect

I could watch 2 hours of the first 25 minutes of this film, actually I could watch a whole mini series with these kids from Ashton Kutcher’s charater’s flashbacks.

8/10

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Halloween

It was bloody amazing! We’ve waited so long to see Jamie Lee do another Halloween, and she’s back at it again, 40 years since the first one and 16 years since Resurrection. The most important thing? They completely ignored events from Halloween 20 yrs Later and the ridiculous Resurrection that dared to kill Jamie Lee’s character off. My favorite part of this sequel must be Laurie closing the roller shutters after checking every single room. See you in 10 years?

9/10

Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindelwald

These films are ruining the Harry Potter franchise. At least we got to see Hogwarts. How old was Dumbledore supposed to be in Harry Potter? In 1927, he’s in his 40s. If that wasn’t enough, Professor McGonagall is here too, and she’s in her 30s. Rating would be lower had I not seen it in 3D. Johnny Depp’s acting has gone down hill since the 90s, it’s a shame. He is never getting that Oscar now.

6/10

A Family Divided

I really miss those 90s TV movies about rape that saw a mother or a survivor fight for justice against everyone trying to silence them. Knowing Stephen Collins has been a pedophile his entire adult life ruined my experience with this film. I probably would have liked this film more, had I watched it before 2014. I definitely would not have been so sceptical and angry at the 7th Heaven star. Here he’s covering up his son’s crime. Actually all three men in that family are vile people. As always, Faye Dunaway gives a great perforance and you just route for her the entire film.

5/10

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Christiane F

Just thought of this film out of nowhere for the first time in almost 15 years. Both the book ‘Kids from the Zoo station’ and film were a major hit among kids my age, bigger than Requiem for a Dream. Everyone seemed to be fascinated with it and there was a high demand for the book both in the school and local libraries. It’s a great film too.

8/10

Strangled

This reminded me of that time when the bank sent me on a First Aid course and someone mentioned narcolepsy and this other bloke in his late 60s said ‘that’s when you do it with dead people’ and everyone laughed.

Anyway, this was a pretty good thriller based on a true story.

6/10

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

Very average and Keira Knightley’s squicky voice was so annoying.

4/10

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Adventures in Public School

Netflix’s worst original right here. Really bad, until the last 10 seconds. The last 10 seconds were sweet. Highly unlikely, but sweet.

3/10

Wreck-It Ralph

When Shut Up and Drive started playing halfway through the film. Also, I recongised Jack McBrayer’s voice straight away, even though I’ve only seen him on The Middle.

6/10

Ralph Breaks the Internet

I thought it was quite good, until Ralph broke the Internet and the film got so boring I fell asleep. Good old Odeon handed out these magnet Instagram photo frames for fridge.

6/10

 

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Film Reviews: Birdbox. Eyes Wide Shut. Miss Meadows. The Miseducation of Cameron Post. Christmas Pen Pals. Smart House. Bumblebee. Angela’s Christmas. Escape Room

16 Saturday Feb 2019

Posted by Joanne in movies

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cinema, film, film reviews, films, horror, movie, movie reviews, movies, quotes, review, reviews

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Birdbox

I’m happy she found a way around that Sophie’s Choice. I haven’t read the book, but the film was everything I wanted it to be.

8.5/10

Eyes Wide Shut

Now that I’ve read about the conspiracy Illuminati theories, the film makes a lot more sense. I don’t think Kubrick wanted to end this film with Nicole saying ‘Fuck’.

8/10

Miss Meadows

Mediocre Dexter wannabe.

6/10

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The Miseducation of Cameron Post

I liked the concept, but the execution was not all there. The film was too short, felt like a half of a full movie.

7/10

Christmas Pen Pals

‘Even if he does occasionally forget that it’s ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’.

Christmas Pen Pals easily wins Best Christmas film of 2018. I loved the letter writing and the last 15 minutes were amazing.

7/10

Smart House

I loved Married with Children, but I didn’t like Peggy Bundy in this.

4/10

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Bumblebee

I certainly liked all the non-Transformers parts when the film felt more like a new Garbi installment than a Transformers one. If you’re in the UK, make sure you see it at Odeon cinemas this week to grab an activity book for kids which includes three A5 posters.

6/10

Angela’s Christmas

Angela’s the cutest! And she looks a lot like little Anna from Frozen, so that’s a plus.

4/10

Escape Room

I grabbed an A1 poster for this film by accident last year and now I will chuck it in the bin. Also, I feel personally offended by that diss at The Teddy Bears’ Picnic song.

2/10

 

 

 

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Film Reviews: Disobedience. The Old Man and the Gun. Stan and Ollie. The Land Girls. The Money Pit. Four Weddings and a Funeral. Hell Fest. A Dog’s Way Home. Abducted in Plain Sight

09 Saturday Feb 2019

Posted by Joanne in Bryce Dallas Howard, movies, Rachel Weisz

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abducted in plain sight, bex taylor klaus, Bryce Dallas Howard, cinema, disobedience, film, film analysis, film review, film reviews, films, four weddings and a funeral, gay, hell fest, horror, lesbian, lgbt, movie, movies, netflix, quotes, rachel mcadams, Rachel Weisz, reviews, robert redford, stan and ollie, the land girls, the money pit, the old man and the gun, tom hanks

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Disobedience

‘Do you still only fancy women?’

Beautiful film. It’s made it’s way to my top 10. The first kiss Ronit and Esti share is the prettiest kiss I’ve ever seen on screen, partially because Ronit’s eyes are open through a big part of it.

It’s sad that Disobedience was shot in London and yet it didn’t get a proper national cinema release. Is this because only <0.5% of British population is Jewish or because of the LGBT aspect of the film?

‘I used to think about your life in New York. I tried to imagine your room. I kept track of the time difference, so I knew when you were awake and when you were asleep.’

‘I wanted it to happen. And when we were girls… Even then, it was the same. It’s always been this way! I have always wanted it.’

‘Why did you get married, Esti? Why didn’t you just leave? So everything was all right when I left?’
‘No. I was ill.’
‘What sort of ill?’
‘In my head.’
‘If I had to sleep with a man, why not with our best friend?’
‘Oh, Esti…’
‘It hasn’t been a complete disaster.’
‘And that’s enough?! Do you have to have sex every Friday?’
‘It’s expected.’
‘It’s medieval. What happened to you?’
‘Nothing. You happened to me. And then I started teaching and that became important. I give them ambition.’
‘To do what? Push out seven babies and be a good wife?’
‘Don’t. Don’t. I help them to value themselves.’
‘Okay, but what about you?’
‘That is me. And you? Are you happy?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Have you been with other women?’
‘No. Not really. And you?’
‘No.’
‘But, Esti… Do you still
only fancy women?’

10/10

The Old Man and the Gun

Story of Forrest Tucker, a criminal best known for escaping from prison 18 times. This film starring Robert Redford in what he claims to be his last role, shows Tucker’s addiction to the thrill and focuses on his innability to stop robbing banks. I really hope this isn’t Redford’s last role. Stong redhead game though, I’ve counted three actors with red hair.

7.5/10


Stan and Ollie

Wonderful performances from leading and supporting actors. My parents used to love watching reruns of Stanley and Oliver’s films when they were kids 50 years ago. I am happy there’s a film about S&O’s lives after the peak of their careers and that I spent the last 30 minutes of it sobbing.

7/10

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The Land Girls

I wish this was more about female friendship like the poster suggests and less about all three of them being sexually or romantically linked to this village idiot who was a sex addict and never got called out for cheating. Were any of the conversations the girls had not about men and sex?

6/10

The Money Pit

A colleague recommended this to me and it’s honestly the best recommendation I’ve gotten in years! Both Tom Hanks and the film are hilarious!

‘Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!’

‘How long will it take?’
‘2 weeks.’

7/10

Four Weddings and a Funeral

Even though I didn’t like the main relationship that much, the film has many fun smaller plots. My favourite storyline was with the girl that picked up a little bit of sign language because the lad she was into, but hadn’t even been introduced to, was deaf. I know this was made in 1993, but that joke about Lady Di did not sit well with me.

8/10

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Hell Fest

My favorite kind of fest. The film is quite realistic, and I am the kind of person who would have volunteered for the beheading too. I especially liked it when the decapitation didn’t work, so the killer tried again.

7/10

A Dog’s Way Home

A cheap version of Homeward Bound, sadly as bad as Homeward Bound 2.

3/10

Abducted in Plain Sight

Devestating documentary. The parents failed this kid so badly. They didn’t know pedophiles exisited, they literally let the sex offender sleep in the girl’s bed for years and on top of all, they were both in love with him and ended up having affairs with him! The alien story makes it all even more shocking!

7/10

 

 

 

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130 Best Films Watched in 2018

24 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by Joanne in Bryce Dallas Howard, Jessica Chastain, Julianne Moore, movies, Naomi Watts, Rachel Weisz

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best films, best films of the year, cinema, film, film reviews, films, horror, movie, movies, netflix, reviews

I’ve watched 603 new films in 2018. I’ve made this list on my letterboxd, and thought I would screenshot and paste it here. Almost all of them are first time watches. Some of these were reviewed on here throughout the year, if there’s a film on this list you’d like me to review, or any film really, please let me know.

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Film Reviews: Punch-Drunk Love. A Star is Born. A Simple Favor. 3 Generations. Winged Creatures. The House with A Clock in its Walls. Mom’s Day Away. Mad City. We Bought a Zoo. Conrad & Michelle: If Words Could Kill. The Unborn

18 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by Joanne in movies, Naomi Watts

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Punch-Drunk Love

Paul Thomas Anderson’s most uplifting film that I love just as much as pudding.

8/10

A Star is Born

They should not have put that nose scene in, seeing as this is what it looks like after a nose job. I’ve only seen the 1976 version of this film, the one with Barbara Streisand, but I really want to watch the 1954 one with Judy Garland and the original from 1937. This one was unnecessary and it certainly felt like it.

6/10

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A Simple Favor

Anna Kendrick has been playing the same awkward character since Up in the Air. I was probably the only person in the audience who hasn’t seen Gossip Girl. Not that I’m planning to. A Simple Favor is more of a comedy than a mystery thriller, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

6/10

3 Generations

This felt like a draft of a first act, not a full film. Ever since Thelma and Louise, no one can’t convince me Susan Sarandon is not gay.

‘My whole life I’ve searched my body for scars because I know a part of me is missing. Everyone assumes that who I am is connected to who they thought I was when I was born. They’re wrong.’

‘Having sex with women doesn’t mean you’re open-minded, it just means you’re happy.’

4/10

Winged Creatures

Very much like Crash, but not trying to be about race.

6/10

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The House with A Clock in its Walls

What a nice lullaby. I slept through most of it, as there was absolutely nothing happening till the last 15 minutes.

3/10

Mom’s Day Away

My parents have been telling me about this Hallmark film for the last couple of months after someone recommended it to them and we finally got to watch it today. It was not as good as they made it out to be.

3/10

Mad City

The ending made it good.

6/10

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We Bought a Zoo

I’m currently on holiday with my family, which means I’m watching some feel-good romcoms. I was surprised to see Matt Damon in a family film. My two favorite moments were my dad’s reaction to seeing Daisy Wick from Bones randomly pop up and me explaining to my mom who the heck Elle Fanning is.

4/10

Conrad & Michelle: If Words Could Kill

I remember reading transcripts of Michelle’s texts with 4 of her friends and I am disappointed Lifetime only chose to show two of those friends. I distinctively remember reading something about a male friend who was trying to get with her, to whom she replied she had a suicidal boyfriend, another friend who she didn’t know well, to whom she wrote that she loves new friendships, and I guess the two that were pictured in this film. To some of them she wrote panicky messages about Conrad’s family trying to locate him and to others that he phoned her from the car and didn’t say anything. The night after Conrad’s death, a few minutes after 7pm she texted the 4 friends the exact same copy-paste message pretending she just learned about his death. I was also disappointed Lifetime skipped a text she sent a few days before his death where she asked Conrad whether he had deleted their messages from his phone. Lifetime failed to draw conclusion as to what Michelle’s motive was, something that’s been bothering me for the last three years. Lifetime focused more on her eating disorder, even claimed Conrad mentioned it in his last texts. They portrayed her as a needy person desperate for friends and attention. Lifetime did not mention anything about her popular side, including her trip to Disneyland or her senior prom. I guess I still hoped that what drove Michelle to convince Conrad to take his own life was severe depression, but this film conviced me that her mental problems were fake and she is an actual psychopath.

4/10

The Unborn

I watch Shameless and The Middle, so that’s my excuse for giving this ridiculous film a go, as usually creepy kids make average horrors appealing. If you don’t know the answer to the lead’s question ‘Why now?’ at the beginning of the film, then you’ll probably enjoy this horror.

2/10

 

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Film Reviews: Sharp Objects. Phenomena. The Meg. Swimming with Men. The Bookshop. Passengers. Garage Sale Mysteries: The Mask Murder. Garage Sale Mysteries: The Pandora’s Box Murders. Megan Leavey. Maus. Blair Witch. Planetarium. Minor Details. The Last Sharknado

06 Saturday Oct 2018

Posted by Joanne in Lori Loughlin, movies

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cinema, film, film analysis, film review, film reviews, films, horror, Lori Loughlin, movie, movie review, movie reviews, movies, quotes, reviews, the meg

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Sharp Objects

Absolutely brilliant! Now I need to finish the book!

9.5/10

Phenomena

Very good until they borrowed something from Friday the 13th.

8/10

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The Meg

3D really worked here – tell me you didn’t close your eyes when the water-walking ball popped! Bought the ticket last week, but caught a stomach bug, bought another one over the weekend, but was asked to work an extra shift tomorrow. Bought the third ticket at the cinema today and finally got to see it. It was worth it, even with the extra 6 quid. About to watch something similar, yet so much worse… Sharknado 6.

7/10

Swimming with Men

I have never realized how much Rob Brydon reminds me of Christopher Waltz till watching this film. I am so happy I was able to swap my overtime shift and got to see this charming and uplifting story about an unexpected friendship at the Silver Screen today!

‘The first rule of swim club, don’t talk about swim club.’

7/10

The Bookshop

It’s sad that I’m always the only person under 60 that goes to senior screenings, when that’s the only time they show quality cinema and not some mainstream bullshit.

‘Understanding makes the mind lazy.’

‘How right she was when she said that no one ever feels alone in a bookshop.’

6/10

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Passengers

Many seem to be complaining about the way one of the characters gets woken up, but honestly, ruining someone’s life not to feel lonely is what most adulterous relationships are all about.

6/10

Garage Sale Mysteries: The Mask Murder

The 14th installment of the Garage Sale Mystery series is quite entertaining. It’s been a while since Jen actually went to a garage sale. I checked the death masks online, and the replicas truly are worth 250 dollars each. Do some art connoisseurs really buy replicas of dead people’s faces?

‘This mask, it looks like the girl I found today.’

5/10

Garage Sale Mysteries: The Pandora’s Box Murders

Lochlyn Munro joins Lori Loughlin (get it?) in the 13th installment of one of two Hallmark series I really enjoy.

4/10

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Megan Leavey

Good, but the dog in ‘Max’ wore a tiny bullet-proof vest, so this could be better.

‘You don’t leave because you have somewhere to go, you leave because nothing is keeping you there.’

5/10

Maus

You need basic knowledge of the Bosnian War to understand and appreciate this film.

5/10

Blair Witch

I remember how obsessed I was with Blair Witch back in the day, I did this presentation for English and everything. I didn’t like the sequel though. I tried to watch the second sequel in 2016, but the minute I heard the main character was supposed to be the original main character’s brother, I rolled my eyes and turned it off. I expected the film to be much worse, but the footage is so shaky, it will give you a headache.

4/10

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Planetarium

Hugely disappointed with this one.

3/10

Minor Details

Middle School was a long time ago, but I don’t remember it being that boring.

2/10

The Last Sharknado

Certainly happy it’s ‘the last’ sharknado. The only thing I liked about this franchise was the theme song, but guess what, they changed it.

‘There it is, the first Sharknado. I’m gonna need a bigger chainsaw.’

1/10

 

 

 

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Film Reviews: Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1. Searching. The Nun. The Two Jakes. The Spy Who Dumped Me. The Happytime Murders. I, Daniel Blake. Christopher Robin. Mother. Slender Man. One Week and a Day. Moka

16 Sunday Sep 2018

Posted by Joanne in Madeleine Stowe, movies

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christopher robin, cinema, disney, film, film analysis, film review, film reviews, films, horror, lars von tier, Madeleine Stowe, movie, movie review, movie reviews, movies, reviews, taissa farmiga, the conjuring, the conjuring 2, the nun, Vera Farmiga, winnie the pooh

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Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1

I remember watching Antichrist at the cinema and absolutely loving it (minus the mutilation part) and everyone from my class thinking I was ‘so fucked up’ for even watching it. It’s despicable that I’ve been deliberately avoiding watching Nymphomaniac for five years. Volume one was amazing and not as explicit as I thought It would be, but I have a feeling I will not be so fond of Volume two. Some of my favorite scenes include Uma Thurman completely losing it and taking her children to see daddy’s mistress and the ‘whoring’ bed. Lars von Tier adds female masturbation to most of his film including child awakenings. Recently I watched Manderlay and there’s this beautiful passage when the narrator says that the main character did not understand masturbation is bad till she grew up and realized how ‘morally wrong it was’.

‘Perhaps the only difference between me and other people was that I’ve always demanded more from the sunset; more spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon. That’s perhaps my only sin.’

‘The secret ingredient to sex is love.’

‘Would it be alright if I show the children the whoring bed? After all, they also have a stake in this event.’

8/10

Searching

This film was a nice surprise! Debra Messing did such a wonderful job and the film kept me intrigued, the ending may have ruined it a little bit.

‘I didn’t know her. I didn’t know my daughter.’

7.5/10

The Nun

I still cannot believe James Wan cast Vera Farmiga’s little sister Taissa (known for her roles in American Horror Story) in the Conjuring world! I also loved the link between The Nun and the first Conjuring and that they used footage from both Conjuring films. I especially liked the scene where someone gets buried alive.

‘Next time do use the shotgun.’

7.5/10

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The Two Jakes

I don’t remember Chinatown being this exhausting. There was no action in the sequel, other than, not one, but two earthquakes. Thank God for Madeleine Stowe.

4/10

The Spy Who Dumped Me

Kate McKinnon was amazing in this!

6/10

The Happytime Murders

They replaced Sandra Bullock with a puppet and made The Heat 2 but with muppets fucking? Wtf

2.5/10

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I, Daniel Blake

Realest portrayal of life in the UK I’ve seen in years.

‘I am not a client, a customer, nor a service user. “I am not a shirker, a scrounger, a beggar, nor a thief. “I’m not a National Insurance Number or blip on a screen. “I paid my dues, never a penny short, and proud to do so. “I don’t tug the forelock, but look my neighbour in the eye and help him if I can. “I don’t accept or seek charity. “My name is Daniel Blake. I am a man, not a dog. “As such, I demand my rights. “I demand you treat me with respect. “I, Daniel Blake, am a citizen, “nothing more and nothing less.’

‘We should all be drinking a lot more bloody coffee.’

8/10

Christopher Robin

I live for nostalgic films, so It does not come as a surprise that I cried through the entire ninety minutes. They were handing out character postcards at my cinema and they are just as adorable as this film.

‘I’ve cracked.’
‘Oh, I don’t see any cracks. A few wrinkles, maybe.’

‘People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.’

‘Doing nothing often leads to the very best kind of something.’

‘I haven’t thought about them in years.’
‘Well, we think about you every day.’

8/10

Mother

This heart whelming comedy starring Debbie Reynolds is the 400th new film I watched this year.

6/10

 owaad moka sm

One Week and a Day

Brilliant film on coping with loss.

8/10

Moka

Simple but good.

6/10

Slender Man

What sort of teachers take their high school students on a trip to a cemetery in the middle of nowhere? I cannot believe I just spent 2 hours watching this garbage. Plus Annalise Basso, the little girl from Oculus was only in the first 3 scenes, what a waste.

1/10

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Welcome to ReviewThisFilm

This website started in 2010 as weekly reviews of movies and tv episodes, and a diary of the 700 new films I watched every year. Today it’s a place for me to write a few words on films and tv shows that leave some sort of impact on me. I no longer write in depth reviews, mostly thanks to bad habits gained by spending many hours a day on Letterboxd.

If you have a film you would like me to watch and review,  please leave a comment.

Enjoy!

– Joanne

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About the Author

All I do is watch movies, the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes I make my own.

Check out my latest film (120K+ views on Youtube):

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WP3Iz23hD7M

I’ve seen over 6000 films and 220 TV shows. I have a degree in Film Production, and wrote my dissertation on Italian neorealism. I mostly gravitate towards social issues films, anything Ken Loach, Krzysztof Kieslowski, Roberto Rossellini, Vittorio De Sica or Jafar Panahi, etc.

I rate films within genre. I watch a lot of films on Mubi, Filmbox Arthouse. My favourite directors are Yasujiro Ozu, Ken Loach, Krzysztof Kieslowski, Zhang Yimou, Roberto Rossellini, Ingmar Bergman, Brian De Palma, Vittorio De Sica and Andrzej Wajda. My favourite actresses have always been Jodie Foster, Sally Field and Julianne Moore. I’m nostalgic and reminisce a lot. I’m at the cinema 10 times a month. And I’m a Polish-British millennial.

I will watch anything:

psychological | arthouse | foreign | independent | drama | horror | lgbt | strong female characters | female centred films | dysfunctional families | sexual assault | troubled childhood | mental health issues

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About me

I am the dark and twisty Meredith Grey, the mad Dexter Morgan, hoping to grow up to be a little more like the wise, but fun Nora Walker. I am an aspiring filmmaker. My favorite actresses are Jodie Foster, Sally Field and Julianne Moore. Favorite genre – psychological drama. I watch anything with a sexual or mental abuse plot. I used to be a horror freak. I am obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, SVU and many more. My other interests include making oil and pencil portraits and wildlife conservation. I cannot say no to beautiful landscapes, travel, Aussie accent, TV/film quotes and avocados. I have recently moved back from Australia to the UK. I’ve been running this blog for the last 9 years. Here I comment on films and episodes I watch. Enjoy! – Joanne

currently following on tv

currently (re)watching

dexter final season

shows I need to catch up on

Feud
Transparent
Gentleman Jack

will watch at the cinema

Last films watched at the pictures that I loved

the substance
blink twice

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my twitter bios

15.04.2011 ‘You forgot the number one rule about remakes: never fuck with the original.’ (Scream 4)

01.06.2011 ‘We need to become doers.’ 2×16 ‘You’re a doer, remember?’ 5×22 (Greys)

5.08.2011 “It’s just… Meredith always makes me think screwed up people have a chance.” (Greys)

9.10.2011 ‘You be wowed, I’ll be drunk.’ (The Big C)

10.11.2011 ‘George is dead and Izzie is gone and we’re all different. We’re different.’ (Greys)

17.12.2011 ‘I thought I was headed in the right direction. My Dark Passenger back behind the wheel. But if I was so sure I knew where I was going…How did I get so lost?’ (Dexter)

23.01.2012 ‘You’re drowning, Grey.’ (Greys)

18.11.2012 ‘You’re a serial killer and I’m more fucked up than you are.’ (Dexter)

7.05.2013 ‘I think my antidepressants just kicked in.’ (The Big C)

10.05.2015 ‘The sad widow is my friend. My best friend.’ (Greys)

My tumblr titles

10.10.10 – ‘Like I said, I’m screwed.’ (Greys)

15.04.11 – ‘It’s just a good story.’ (Greys)

22.06.11 – ‘I should have fought for you, Violet.’ (Private Practice)

20.12.11 – ‘I am a father, a son, a serial killer.’ (Dexter)

8.08.12 – ‘You have to pick the girl who lives.’ (The Big C)

5.10.12 – ‘You are my person. You will always be my person.’ (Greys)

10.11.12 – ‘Thirty second dance party. Dance or you’re fired.’ (Greys)

19.02.13 – ‘There’s nowhere on Earth I’d rather be right now.’ (Castle)

29.07.13 – ‘The family that kills together.’ (Dexter)

15.01.15 – ‘Let’s go home.’ (Parenthood)

20.05.2015 – ‘The sad widow is my friend, my best friend.’ (Greys)

Calendar

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favourite film and tv quotes

‘When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I’ve met you and moved to Sydney, I haven’t listened to one Abba song. That’s because my life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.’ (Muriel’s Wedding)

‘I used to think about
your life in New York. I tried to imagine your room. I kept track of the time difference, so I  knew when you were awake and when you were asleep.’ (Disobedience)

‘Nothing’s clean, Howard. But we do our best, right?’ (The Aviator)

‘No, I’m not quitting. I don’t quit things.’
‘No, actually you do. Your mother quit your father. Your father quit you. You quit your boyfriend and if I read your hospital chart correctly you quit your life momentarily on a couple of occasions. You quit. It’s what you know how to do.’ (Greys)

‘Where the hell was I that year?’
‘Your were watching television’. (Everybody Loves Raymond)

‘It’s impossible to worry about anything else when there’s blood coming out of you.’
(Short Term 12)

‘I wanted it to happen. And when we were girls… Even then, it was the same. It’s always been this way! I have always wanted it.’ (Disobedience)

‘Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes you play games in your head. You make up someone, someone good.’ (Greys)

‘There comes a moment when our lives change forever. The moment we admit our weaknesses, the moment we rise to a challenge, the moment we accept a sacrifice, or let a loved one go. And sometimes the change in our lives is an answer to our prayers.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘Yesterday I went to the movies all day by myself. One after the other. I’ve never done that before. I had a really happy day.’ (Doing Time for Patsy Cline)

‘I just need something to happen. I need a sign that things are going to change. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope. And in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed a feel like I might die today.’ (Greys)

‘She saved me my whole life. Without her, I’m nothing.’ (The Favourite)

‘Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that make us hold it together.’  (Greys)

‘Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom for five miutes, but her husband never knew, because when Bree finally emerged, she was perfect.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘I am not food, you cannot just eat and eat.’ (The Favourite)

‘I don’t love him.’
‘Of course you do.’
‘No!’
‘Don’t take me for a fool Olive,  I’m many things but I’m not a fool.’
‘I know that, you’re brilliant.’
‘Don’t you see, it’s over. Whatever this is, was, it’s over.’
‘I love You.’ (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women)

‘At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing, is reason enough to celebrate.’ (Greys)

‘Many years ago, a neighbour and a good friend of ours took her life, and that left us all heartbroken and perplexed. But somehow, when I was alone in that hotel room, I forget about all the pain that she caused. In those awful moments, I thought maybe she had the answer.‘ (Desperate Housewives)

‘What happened last year when you fell in the water?’
‘I almost drowned. Do you think I did that for kicks?’
‘You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ammunition.’
‘I was trying to save a patient!’
‘Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other. You’re careless with your life. You’re not slitting your wrists but you’re careless. Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space on this planet. The problem is you believed her. And if you don’t want out one of these days you’re going to die because of it.’  (Greys)

‘This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life. I met them the day they moved in. And I saw what they brought with them. Beautiful dreams for the future. And quiet hopes for a better life. Not just for themselves, but for their children, too. If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled. The trick is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn’t see coming, but that’s really the point. Don’t you think?’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘Was your life not working when you let that slip out from under you?’
‘When are you going to stop suggesting that I’m suicidal?’
‘When you start acting like someone that wants to be alive.’
‘Give me my chart.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m not suicidal, and if it says that I am, then it’s wrong.’ (Greys)

‘There is nothing wrong with me.’
‘Then show me your arm.’ (Degrassi)

‘Look, my whole life, I have been the freak. The girl who nobody picked for dodgeball. The girl who didn’t have a mom. The girl who dressed funny because it was her dad buying her clothes. And then, tonight I looked at these people, and I thought maybe there’s a future where I don’t have to be a freak. Maybe I can be who I am and that’s okay.’ (Everything Sucks)

‘Dr, I have been this way since…since I can remember. There is no cure.’ (American Horror Story)

‘He was so crazy about me, I couldn’t breathe. So we tried drinking our way back into love, but it never made sense in the morning. So I ran. And every time I came back, he was here. And he was still crazy about me.’ (My Blueberry Nights)

‘Bree van de Kamp had always wanted to live her life with elegance and grace. That is also how she wanted to die. Her plan was to pour herself a glass of her favorite chardonnay, put on her most stylish nightgown and leave behind a note on embossed stationery.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘All we have is this moment. The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid being alive today. So be… here…. now.’ (Six Feet Under)

‘On the train coming here, we were in the same cart, I saw you, you were reading and you feel asleep. I didn’t dare to look at you, you were so beautiful, it was scary. Afterwards,  I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It made me smile. Then I thought of all the men who would get to hold you, who’d make you laugh. How lucky they were.’ (Enemy at the Gates)

‘It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. Even when it was hard, I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought I cant do this, I cant do this alone. I close my eyes and imagine myself doing it, and I did, I blocked out the fear, and I did it.’ (Greys)

‘There comes a time when we must expose our weaknesses. When our secrets can no longer remain private, when our solitude can no longer be denied, when our pain can no longer be ignored, but sometimes we feel so alone that a weakness we thought we’d overcome suddenly becomes too strong to fight.’ (Desperate Housewives)

‘Why did you get married, Esti? Why didn’t you just leave? So everything was all right when I left?’
‘No. I was ill.’
‘What sort of ill?’
‘In my head.’
‘If I had to sleep with a man, why not with our best friend?’
‘Oh, Esti…’
‘It hasn’t been a complete disaster.’
‘And that’s enough?! Do you have to have sex every Friday?’
‘It’s expected.’
‘It’s medieval. What happened to you?’
‘Nothing. You happened to me. And then I started teaching and that became important. I give them ambition.’
‘To do what? Push out seven babies and be a good wife?’
‘Don’t. Don’t. I help them to value themselves.’
‘Okay, but what about you?’
‘That is me. And you? Are you happy?’
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Have you been with other women?’
‘No. Not really. And you?’
‘No.’
‘But, Esti… Do you still
only fancy women?’ (Disobedience)

‘OK, then, listen. Let’s not get caught.’
‘What are you talkin’ about?’
‘Let’s keep goin’!’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘Go.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yeah. Yeah.’ (Thelma & Louise)

‘She let me live at Nora’s house. She let me believe that I was a part of their family. I fell in love with that family. What am I supposed to do, just sit there, pretend I’m related to them? I was happy. For the first time in my life I was happy.’ (Brothers and Sisters)

‘You will be left all alone with your bitterness and your rage and your knowledge that you loved her and she loved you and you threw it away for them.’
‘Do you love her?’
‘Yes.’
‘And Have you always?’
‘Yes.’
‘So then ask her.’
‘Olive, will you forgive me?’ (Professor Marston and the Wonder Women)

‘No razors, no scissors, no fucking freedom.’
(Short Term 12)

‘You can’t take a picture of this. It’s already gone.’ (Six Feet Under)

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